This is such a tough road. Everytime I move forward feeling better about me, I am reminded of his relationship with OW. And it stings. I know that he is not at a place for me yet I still don't like the idea of him finding happiness with her. I hate knowing who she is, knowing her so well, I feel like it would be easier if I couldn't picture her face, her body, her apt, her baby. The images haunt me. I was there for the birth of her daughter who is now 5 m/o. We shared clothes, we went to concerts together. Part of the ugliness of all of this is knowing that a "friend" could do this to me. I just wish there relationship would hurry up and end already.
I talked to him today about getting the paperwork to file. Then I asked him if he could watch the boys that night because I imagined that it would be emotioanlly taxing. He said he couldn't do it friday because he was going out for his birthday. [I am sure with OW] And he can't do it Monday either [I know he watches 24 with her. And that stings too, we have been watching that together since I was pregnant with our first child] I hate that he won't be accomodating to me because of his relationship with her.
I know I haev to let go, and I know that in time it will hurt a tiny bit less. But my ego is bruised. She and I are so similar, it is downright scary. Aside from her lack of morality, of course. But politically, philosophically, even our life paths have been remarkably similar. it just is so weird that he left me to be with me, kwim?
