I feel like I am hanging on to a dream that wasn't real to begin with. I feel like I am mourning the loss of a future that was created only in my head.

I can so relate to what you are feeling. You are at a whole different place in your life than I am, but I think it is to your advantage to have come to this realization now while you are still young.

I want to know what happens to these people (men) who don't develop emotionally? Their childhoods must have been very scary places to exist. You are correct in your thinking that your H must face his demons before your R can be repaired. Maybe as his A progresses and self-destructs, as they tend to do, he will come out of his denial phase. There is always hope. In my case, I think there is a better chance of me winning the lottery than H ever facing his problems. He doesn't have the courage or personal fortitude to do it.

I wish you well. You seem to have your head on fairly straight. Hug your babies. Be good to yourself.

Spitfire

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain