Thanks Gh, Im really trying and im really committed to saving my family and marriage...Just dont know if im putting off the inevitable,,shes seems pretty ticked about it..says"thanks for for continuing to ruin my life" Im goin to really give this dark thing and try,and pull back and atleast act like i GAL. If i would have just done this to begin with and let her have her fun,affair, or whatever i may be back home.Sounds messed up eh..it is..I question myself whether finding out what i did was a good thing or not,but i think it is for the best that i did.She still denies anything physical..but maybe this is just to not hurt me..so maybe that means she still cares a little,maybe not. I just wonder if this is a good move or not..not going through with it,because it just seemed to make her even more mad at me..if thats possible..Im not giving her what she wants...So i cant win really. I do feel better about it though,and right now i need something to feel good about.Though it still hurts like hell,and im still desperately wanting to get back home to my family,i must start thinking about me,and get back to who i once was..i kinda forgot who that is,but that is what shes looking for in me,and i have to somehow get past her resentment toward me for not going along with her little plan to show her the real me,and actually try and be friendly with her,as hard as it is to. I just found out though, last night before i had my talk with her this a.m. that it is not a good thing right now to speak with her after a nice conversation with all my kids telling me how much they love and miss me. Makes me kinda furious at her and i had a little set back and went off a little bit. Just thinking..what woman would not want a man so committed to his marriage and family bugs me out..but i guess if i would have done the things i needed to i probably wouldnt be here.I guess losing it all does that to ya. Just wondering if she goes through with getting her own lawyer,should i sign right away?i kinda told her i would if thats what she wanted.Or should i put it off as long as i can,maybe making her even more mad at me. Oh the rollercoaster just wont stop.. Thanks Dee
