Well i tried to screw this board up just like my attempts to save my marriage,by starting a new thread over there called starting over...i apoligize...decided to come back here because it has my sitch..and thanks to everyone who has contributed to my nightmare.

Really starting over now.....was supposed to sign seperation papers that i had drawn up from an attorney that i had,unwillingly due to wifes threats of doing it herself,but didnt feel good about doing something i did not want and felt like that was me saying..ok..this is ok.
I work 3rd shift so i called the wife at 3:30 a.m. and woke her up and told her i was coming over to meet me outside i had to tell her something.
I first told her that i realize how i have been acting,and explained to her that is not the real me and i have lost sight of myself lately fighting for my family,but told her i have no regrets because it was worth fighting for.
I then agreed that i had not been the husband i shouldve been,and that i do care about her and want her to be happy,and if that meant not being with me..so be it...told her she had been a great wife and mother,and not to settle for anything but the best.I told her i was a better man for this and im going to be stronger for it.I did what i did cause it was the only way i knew to do it(begging,pleading,etc.)but that was not the real me and i knew it.Im going to be a great Dad(3 D's..im in trouble)and used the old line of course..You dont know what ya got til its gone....But that im going to take advantage of what i still have.
Well ended by giving her a check for the $250 she paid for half of the seperation agreement,and told her if this is what she wants to do,then i respect that and want you to be happy,but im going to have no part of it,your gonna have to do this yourself.I said thanks for seing me tonight and bye.
She of course called me 5 minutes later to say this was stupid,that i would sign the same agrrement if only she did it.I told her this is what you want,not me,and i think you should be the one to do it.She of course said my motivation was for her to be broke and just spend her money.(has nothing to do with it,just what i feel and believe).She again said it was stupid..and i said it was was you that gave up on our marriage not me...and she hung up in my face....AND I FEEL GOOD!
Im gonna sleep good today...just hopefully i will tomorrow too!!??Guess ill have to see.But im determined to stick it out this time,give her a break from my insanity,and let her do what she has to do,and not until then,when and if she comes back,will i decide to forgive her or not...But my goal for now is to not want her back,and get back to being me.
Ok sorry for the length..just feeling pretty damn good about myself and wanted to share....Going to stay dark for a while and see what happens..Im sure she will still probably go through with it..but i feel better about myself,and i left her with some positive comments,so she will have lots to think about why and what she is doing.Though she may not care right now..One day she will,and this will be her doing...not mine.
DeeJ