Thanks for the reply, Sounds like the right thing to do to me... Its kinda wierd all this stuff..i feel like ..well i know she obviously hasnt told all her new friends and co-workers the whole story..i mean they took her and the kids out for her birthday..and i saw some thank you cards around the house like people have been telling her how sorry they felt for her and her family..when she is the one doing this##%#^# WE have already paid $500 dollars to draw it up,only because i got scared she would do it her self and put something i didnt want if it came down to having to do it. I think she feels good about what she's doing..."she's finally doing something for her"is what she says and screw everybody else. I know one day she will the hit the wall hard..i was trying to prevent that..i feel like were meant to be together in the end..but trying to endure this pain and then let her get away with it is going to be some task..though im sure i will fold in the end and open my arms up to her Then again maybe im wrong right now i feel like telling her off pretty good,but i would probably regret it and apoligize for it..Having my kids here tonight helps alot,but then again its just a reminder of the pain and hurt she is putting all of us through..my kids are great though..they're really hanging in there..though they are pretty confused right now...as long as no Om comes into the home with my children i will try my best to keep my cool and hope for the best... Been having thoughts of finding Ow to help ease my pain..but i dont think it will work and i would probably feel as low as her in the end.Though one day i know now knowing what i know and learning what i have learned that happiness will one day be in my future..It's just im scared to death of the thought of any man being around my kids..Im going to have 3 teen-age daughters and there are some many bad people in the world..the thought just kills me,and my wifes choice of men before me and especially now(no job..no house...worthless loser)makes it even worse. Ok im rambling...gonna go have some fun with the kids maybe ill feel better tomorrow,,this actually the first day in the whole 3 months with absolutely no contact what so ever..i just wonder if she ever thinks about it???? It sure don't seem like it....
Well i tried to screw this board up just like my attempts to save my marriage,by starting a new thread over there called starting over...i apoligize...decided to come back here because it has my sitch..and thanks to everyone who has contributed to my nightmare.
Really starting over now.....was supposed to sign seperation papers that i had drawn up from an attorney that i had,unwillingly due to wifes threats of doing it herself,but didnt feel good about doing something i did not want and felt like that was me saying..ok..this is ok. I work 3rd shift so i called the wife at 3:30 a.m. and woke her up and told her i was coming over to meet me outside i had to tell her something. I first told her that i realize how i have been acting,and explained to her that is not the real me and i have lost sight of myself lately fighting for my family,but told her i have no regrets because it was worth fighting for. I then agreed that i had not been the husband i shouldve been,and that i do care about her and want her to be happy,and if that meant not being with me..so be it...told her she had been a great wife and mother,and not to settle for anything but the best.I told her i was a better man for this and im going to be stronger for it.I did what i did cause it was the only way i knew to do it(begging,pleading,etc.)but that was not the real me and i knew it.Im going to be a great Dad(3 D's..im in trouble)and used the old line of course..You dont know what ya got til its gone....But that im going to take advantage of what i still have. Well ended by giving her a check for the $250 she paid for half of the seperation agreement,and told her if this is what she wants to do,then i respect that and want you to be happy,but im going to have no part of it,your gonna have to do this yourself.I said thanks for seing me tonight and bye. She of course called me 5 minutes later to say this was stupid,that i would sign the same agrrement if only she did it.I told her this is what you want,not me,and i think you should be the one to do it.She of course said my motivation was for her to be broke and just spend her money.(has nothing to do with it,just what i feel and believe).She again said it was stupid..and i said it was was you that gave up on our marriage not me...and she hung up in my face....AND I FEEL GOOD! Im gonna sleep good today...just hopefully i will tomorrow too!!??Guess ill have to see.But im determined to stick it out this time,give her a break from my insanity,and let her do what she has to do,and not until then,when and if she comes back,will i decide to forgive her or not...But my goal for now is to not want her back,and get back to being me. Ok sorry for the length..just feeling pretty damn good about myself and wanted to share....Going to stay dark for a while and see what happens..Im sure she will still probably go through with it..but i feel better about myself,and i left her with some positive comments,so she will have lots to think about why and what she is doing.Though she may not care right now..One day she will,and this will be her doing...not mine. DeeJ
I think she feels good about what she's doing..."she's finally doing something for her"is what she says and screw everybody else.
You know it Dee. My W says the SAME EXACT THING! It's her mantra. It's how she justifies everything she does. If it is not FOR her, then it is not done. I really don't know how she manages to do anything for the kids like this. Really, she is not doing nearly as much with them as she used to. I suppose she thinks she put in her time. Anyway, I think you are saying and doing the right things. You are DBing but standing up for what you believe in and in the end, feeling better for it. You sound much better and I am pulling for you.
Thanks Gh, Im really trying and im really committed to saving my family and marriage...Just dont know if im putting off the inevitable,,shes seems pretty ticked about it..says"thanks for for continuing to ruin my life" Im goin to really give this dark thing and try,and pull back and atleast act like i GAL. If i would have just done this to begin with and let her have her fun,affair, or whatever i may be back home.Sounds messed up eh..it is..I question myself whether finding out what i did was a good thing or not,but i think it is for the best that i did.She still denies anything physical..but maybe this is just to not hurt me..so maybe that means she still cares a little,maybe not. I just wonder if this is a good move or not..not going through with it,because it just seemed to make her even more mad at me..if thats possible..Im not giving her what she wants...So i cant win really. I do feel better about it though,and right now i need something to feel good about.Though it still hurts like hell,and im still desperately wanting to get back home to my family,i must start thinking about me,and get back to who i once was..i kinda forgot who that is,but that is what shes looking for in me,and i have to somehow get past her resentment toward me for not going along with her little plan to show her the real me,and actually try and be friendly with her,as hard as it is to. I just found out though, last night before i had my talk with her this a.m. that it is not a good thing right now to speak with her after a nice conversation with all my kids telling me how much they love and miss me. Makes me kinda furious at her and i had a little set back and went off a little bit. Just thinking..what woman would not want a man so committed to his marriage and family bugs me out..but i guess if i would have done the things i needed to i probably wouldnt be here.I guess losing it all does that to ya. Just wondering if she goes through with getting her own lawyer,should i sign right away?i kinda told her i would if thats what she wanted.Or should i put it off as long as i can,maybe making her even more mad at me. Oh the rollercoaster just wont stop.. Thanks Dee
well so much for caring a little!!!Called ma alot this morning...last conversation ended with "this just makes me sicker....all the things i done for you....being your wife"
wth damn,dunno what to do now..
Having a crazy thought,but would be a good one for evrybody..well everybody except me..it has come clear to me that my kids are more important than i am...thinking of telling her to hold off on anything..moving in with my sister down the street a little bit so the kids can have us both and offer to keep helping as much as i can with the bills and keep our family home our family home! for our children!but go and do what she/we pleases....
Begining to think this is the only way to ever show her me again,but most importantly we would both be there for the kids at all times,its in walking distance,but she would still keep the house to herself.It would surely be hell for me im sure..but like i said my kids are more imortant than me.
I know my wife..and she is SET in her mind to do this...
I done a pretty a bad thing in the begining when i heard conversation w Om,along with all the talking about R and stuff.
I just think if we do it we may never reconcile...
So why not start,as friends,and see what happens,and raise our kids the best way possible in our current situation.
Would she ever go for it is the thing...?
Could i stand it..??
Probably think i was trying to control her maybe??
Am in a dream world????
This sound like a totally crazy plan????
Im i acting to fast???
Need some advice....
Wife seems colder than ever...says she dont want to talk to me any more since i wouldnt give the seperation.Seems so over to me..dont know what to do.I live 40 minutes away right now.Done so much damage over these 3 months..seems like trying to be friends is out of the question to her right now.
Should i just do the seperation to show her that im letting her go?
Calgon..take me away!!!!!!!
