Ok, I agree with NYS. The mixed messages need to stop. What you are doing is trying different keys to see which one fits. You try something, guilt lets say, and when it doesn't work, i.e. she comes running back to you, you try another key, like kindness, then ultimatums, etc. Problem is that not only will those keys not work, but there's not even a lock, or at least not one that you are likely to ever recognize or have the key to. She's the only one who can ever open that door and she'll only ever do it because first, she wants to, and second, because she will feel safe doing so. That leads to the family involvement. Much like NYS asked about if you would want to talk to someone who was constantly reminding you of your faults, etc, I ask, would you want to return to a situation where everyone thinks you are a horrible person with no chance of redemption? Many experts say that involving family and friends in these things is natural because of the need to reach out for comfort and understanding, but it is usually a bad idea because of the damage done if ever there is a reconciliation. YOU may come to trust her again, but Mom, or Sis may never be able to do that. My advice is to stop talking about it with as many people as possible. I know I have a few friends I talk about my sitch with but they are removed from my daily life and their opinion of my W does not really matter in the grand scheme of things. What is really important too is that you stop blaming yourself for what you've done and just try to learn and grow from it. So you told your family. Fine, it's done now move on. So you issued an ultimatum. It's done, now move on. You can do it!
Quote: Obviously the ultimatum did nothing,and dont feel to bad about it..she still denies an affair
Oh, and my W still denies an affair too. It semantics. She knows what she's doing...
