One thing you can do to regain power in your R is this (as I see it anyway). When she tells you she cannot touch and that you aren't respecting her feelings....call her on it. Tell her she "can" touch...she's able bodied. The fact is...she's decided she won't touch you, and won't let you touch her....and that she's not respecting how YOU feel. If she starts to throw a fit, tell her you said what you meant....then drop it. Walk away if you must.
You've got to start asserting yourself and your wants/needs in this R if you are going to get anywhere. It's not easy to do, and it's likely to make you so very nervous the 1st time you do this....but you are going to feel better about yourself after you do stand up. It will become easier for you to assert yourself the more you do it, just try to remember that.
Also, I can easily see how people might see how you can see the positive to any situation....you want people to see that side of you. Here, you are asking us for help and support in problem we all share in one way or another...from one side or another. In telling us of your problem...we are more easily able to spot the self-pity
