MrAint, Why do you think you have such a hard time insisting on a certain nonnegotiable level of affection in your M?
Are you afraid that something will happen if you do this?
Why would you seek out affection from a stranger but yet not have the wherewithal to insist on it from your wife?
I encourage you to really think these answers through. It is hard sometimes to see where our own culpability lies, when our partners are so darn neglectful of us, but when the smoke clears, I believe you will see that you are contributing to your own unhappiness in a significant and continuous way.
Here is an example: I was afraid of bringing it up, of insisting on affection because somewhere deep in my mind I thought it meant that 'if I had to insist on it, then he didn't love me. It was all a mistake and our marriage was as sham.' None of that turned out to be true, but I had to take a leap of faith when making that first step. I didn't KNOW that it wasn't true. As long as I wasn't making waves, I didn't know the potentially painful truth that he didn't love me, but at the same time I kept myself stuck in a sexless marriage.
In other words, you can't have one without the other. There is no painless or vulnerability-less way to approach this. You can't baby her (thereby babying yourself and your potential loss, for that is what you are doing) AND change the dynamics of your affectionless M at the same time.
One last question: What does it say about how you feel about yourself that you'd let a person continue to not touch you and yet beg them to come back when THEY threaten to leave?
Your wife does not respect you, or your requests for touch, because you do not respect you.
