Thanks for that comment Tim, that is a very good point, one that I have tried to make often, but with no success. As long as a couple is committed to each other, creative and willing to put their spouces needs before their own, I don't see any hurdle that cannot be overcome. Even stuck in a wheel chair, that just created a different challenge, but there are still things that can happen.
I tell my wife all the time that there is soooooo much more that we can do, if we just stay caring and creative. It doesn't have to all be intercourse. Sometimes it may be cuddling on the couch, sometimes it may be showering together, or sleeping naked together (to pull from another discussion). Heck, I'd be ecstatic to sit in church and have my neck rubbed like I see other couples do, like CeMar mentioned. I"D LOVE THAT! But to my wife "that is all sex" in her mind.
To me, it's all about attitude and love towards one another. My wife sees things very differntly. In her mind, everyone has likes and dislikes. I don't like brocolli and there is nothing she could do to cook it to make it taste good. I just don't like it period, so I don't eat it. She just doesn't like sex, or anything connected to it. She doesn't try to get me to eat something I don't like, yet why do I keep trying to get her to do something she doesn't like. That's ME being selfish by trying to have her do something she's not interested in... To her, there is no problem.. it's simply a dislike.
In addition, she said I need to stop trying to make her into someone who enjoys sex. Since it is not something she is into, it is unfair of me to push. Her example is this.. She could say she wishes that she married someone that could sing, play the piano with the family and play soccer with her. I am ABSOLUTELY none of those things. So it would be unfair of her to demand that I become like that when it is an impossible request. That is just not fair to me to make those demands. Therefor, it is unfair for me to expect her to be sexual, or to allow any touch, when that is just not her.
My take on that is this: What if when we were first married, I DID sing, what if I played the piano as a way to impress her while dating, and I used to play soccer all the time and then one day I just CHOSE to not do those things anymore, regardless of my wife's feelings. How would that come across? In our early years of marriage, my wife was VERY sexual, very into touching, loved showers together, loved pleasing me whenever possible, and then one day... whoosh.. it was gone and has been gone for 5 years now. So I just don't get her arguments. These are conscous decisions made to no longer do things. If she had been like this while dating, that would be one thing... But to get married with one personality and then switch all the while expecting uncoditional love from your spouse, just seems to be a messed up way of doing things.
Oh, and to answer another question... My wife and I do not live near family. Her family is all in another state. So her point was that she could not be a single mother in a place with no family resources, so she'd be moving back home to be around resources there, and that is in another state... a loooong way from here.
