Hi Mraintgettingany

Quote:

Something somewhere must have happened that is really bad and she knows that if she goes to any counseling that this could resurface and that would just be too painful for her to deal with. It is far easier for her to repress and maintain than to deal with whatever it is. So the prospect of going to any kind of counseling is immediately nixed




That was my first reaction as soon as I read your post. My mum had abuse issues (not sexual but physical) in her childhood and the thought of a psychologist of any kind gave her the heebie-jeebies, the same with an old BF who had some serious abuse issues.

The reason she will run a mile from MC is because she fears facing her issues, she fears dragging up the past pain because it is too huge for her and because she has done such a great job of burying it for all these years. The problem is that the issues WERE huge when she was a child, but just like a child will cry when they graze their knee and an adult will just say ouch an adult can handle emotional pain better too. The scariness of it all has been blown out of all proportion by the years of repression, if she faces it through counselling it will be painful -yes but it won't be something she truly can't handle.

Like others have said you need to set some boundaries for her. You need to let her know you love her and you are willing to deal with where she is right now, that you are willing to deal with any other issues she has with the R that you could improve, but that you MUST see willingness on her part to make progress.

To go back to your original question, if my H was physically disabled in some way and couldn't have sex of course I would forgive him for this, but if it were a disablement that had a potential cure and he was unwilling to seek that cure then I would have a problem with that.

take care

Fran


if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong