What if you could never have sex again?

[chromosphere]

"There is almost NOTHING a person can do to avoid sexual thoughts."

Agreed, but that is a different point. There are times when you don't think of sex, and don't want sex. The problem with your W is for whatever reason she is like that all the time, at least around you (hate to say that but it is a possibility, one that I struggle with too).

"I was in FREAKING church yesterday and it is EVERY where."

You'll get no argument from me. Although on average you will see less provacative dress and activity inside a church than outside, it is still there. Church is one of the best places to meet single people (assuming you are not an atheist).

"I was sitting directly behind a couple in their mid 50's with no children with them. It was innocent enough, but they were sitting very close (when they did not HAVE to). All of her side was touching his side. Something simple, and yet worth a million bucks, just simple touching."

Very sweet scene. I hope I can have the kind of R to where my W feels comfortable enough to sidle up to me in church when we get to old age. Yes that sort of closeness is worth a million buck, actually it is priceless.

"And I am sitting their thinking that that will NEVER be me and my wife. She does NOT like touching like this, it invades her personal space, it is uncomfortable, it is hot, someone might see."

I can tell you one thing for ABSOLUTE sure CeMar. If you say it will NEVER happen with your wife, it NEVER will. The two of you are in a position right now that it is going to take some positive work and positive thinking by both of you to get to a better place. If YOU, the one who wants change is convinced of ultimate failure, how can it possibly get better.

I will tell you that my W is a lot like you describe. She thinks of a million excuses why we can't be affectionate, all mostly dealing with her level of comfort. But we are working past that now, primarily because I have set a boundary and am sticking with it. You need to find your boundary CeMar, and it needs to have some teeth to it.

"And then there are the older couples that have space, LOTs of space betweeen them. THAT is going to be me."

Don't give up CeMar, or you will turn that into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"It's almost like some people are wired backwards and physical touch makes them UNCOMFORTABLE."

Yeah, there are some people like that, some for physical reasons, some for mental reasons. And for some, it is only for certain people. Most women wouldn't shy away in disgust if Brad Pitt (or Sean Connery, pick your poison) came up and put an arm around them. They might shy away, but for a different reason, but not in disgust. On the other hand, most of us would at least involuntarily shy away if a homeless person smelling of fesces, urine, and old wine came up even hinted that they wanted to touch our shirt sleeve with the tip of their finger. For some people, their S is like that homeless person. The problems in the R and within themselves create an involuntary disgust which makes touch uncomfortable. So the question is, what can you do to clean away the grime and filth in yourself (maybe) and your R (for sure). It may not make you look like Brad Pitt, but it may give your W the incentive to do some more work on her end to clean the R up even more. It may not.

I'm starting to ramble. Enough