Latest Update:
When I posted this topic yesterday, I had just gotten the voice mail from my wife saying she was done and leaving. Luckily I finally got a hold of her on her cell phone in the afternoon and we talked for a long time. Ultimately I got her to come home. That doesn't mean the situation is over. Far from it.. But it at least means that she'll be in the same house and that keeps stability for the kids and gives us a chance to improve things.

Last night I had a lengthy discussion with a church leader that had been keeping up with our craziness. He said a few interesting things I thought I would share. First, my wife is going through a very unstable time. There are a lot of things she is having to mentally deal with and her past is so crazy that this is no surprise. Something somewhere must have happened that is really bad and she knows that if she goes to any counseling that this could resurface and that would just be too painful for her to deal with. It is far easier for her to repress and maintain than to deal with whatever it is. So the prospect of going to any kind of counseling is immediately nixed.

Next, This is a time I must come to grips with exactly how much I do love my wife. With all that she is mentally dealing with and without help, could mean that if I do really love my wife and want to keep my marriage intact I must love her completely.. unconditionally. Excepting that that means for a while, I may not get anything in return. I need to see this as though my wife had been raped. If something like that happened, I could not realistically expect my wife to bounce back and meet my sexual needs right away. She would need to heal and recover and who knows how long that could take. Even though the "incident" whatever it may be happened before we were married, and I don't know what it is, it is effecting her in the same way. So do I love me wife enough to go through this, understanding that may not get my needs taken care of. He thought this was not a problem that would take months to solve, it could take years.

So first, I must demonstrate that I do love her unconditionally. Even if there is no sex, I must prove that I love her anyway and that my love is not dependant on that. THEN, only then she will gain enough trust to possibly begin opening herself up to me. But she will not do it if she thinks that I am in the relationship only for sexual gain, which is why she posed the question originally.

This is not going to be easy. But I promised my wife that I would love her forever and now it is time for me to keep that promise. Then hopefully someday she'll be able to return that love for me...