QUOTE ____________________________________________________________ Last night, she finally gave me an ultimatem: She wanted me to ask myself this question: If we could never have sex again, would I still love her and want to be her husband? If I answered yes, she MIGHT stay, if I answered no, she would leave and move the kids out of state. She asked me to think of it as if she had been in a major accident and was now paralyzed from the neck down. Would I still love her? ____________________________________________________________
Oh man, that is the same question my LD fiancee asked me several months ago in one of our MANY arguments about sex - isn't it ridiculous? As others have posted, there is quite a difference between choosing to meet your needs and being physically unable to do so. If my fiancee were to suffer in a terrible accident and was unable to meet my sexual needs, I would continue to love her and deal with it. However, if she was perfectly healthy and admitted to me that she will never meet my sexual needs or even try to do so, then I would be out the door. At any rate, this question really bothers me. It seems like just another way of depicting the HD partner as a sex crazed maniac who cares nothing else about the relationship than sex. It really is frustrating - your relationship starts with great sex, loads of intimacy, etc. However, when this seemingly all of a sudden disappears from your relationship (in my case as soon as I moved in with my fiancee) and you pursue the same levels of intimacy and sex that you previously had with the SAME person, suddenly all you care about is sex!
It seems like the real question to ask yourself is - can you continue to live like this for the rest of your life? You have perfectly valid concerns in your marriage, and your wife is minimizing and dismissing these concerns. If she has no desire to work on this, does not want to go to MC, and simply says that you must accept her the way she is, then you have to decide whether it is worth it to continue your marriage.
This is easy for me to say because I am not even married yet, and have no children. I love my fiancee, but the HD/LD issue has not been adequately addressed by her which has led to MAJOR problems in other areas of our relationship. We start with a couples counselor (MC) tomorrow night, which is really the last ditch effort for me. At some point maybe you just have to say enough is enough.
