Well, first I will say D@mn man, this really is hard. I feel for you.
I truly do not understand your W's response to this whole situation. Being paralyzed from the neck down is light years away from a person being able to be intimate and CHOOSING not to. Granted, there are a lot of reasons why some one would not want to be touched, from personal problems, to R problems, to utter disgust for the other person. But somewhere in there is a choice (unless of course there is some psychosis, but it doesn't sound like that is going on here). IMHO people enter a marriage with an expectation of intimacy and affection. That is one of the major reasons for getting married. For someone to completely deny intimacy and affection over a long period of time, and without taking steps to try to solve the situation, is breaking their marriage vows as surely as someone going out and having an adulterous affair.
Of course, this may not completely apply to your situation. There may be many factors influencing your W's decision to take this hard stance. Maybe if you can elaborate more on the history of your marriage, the people here can help you find a specific solution or at least things to try.
"thinks I am only interested in her if she provides sex, my love is conditional."
Your W has apparently fallen into the "true love" frame of mind trap. That love is pure, never changing, always 100%, unconditional, etc. etc. etc. Of course love is conditional. If someone you love starts treating you in a really crappy way for a long enough period of time, most people would stop loving that person. In fact, by treating you in such a crappy way, the other person is in effect saying that they don't love you.
If sex is important to you, and your S loves you, then they should be willing to make an effort to accomodate your needs, at some level that you can compromise on. Again though, there are a myraid things that can get in the way of this, as I am finding out in my own situation. Your W may be doing this as an avoidance of her own sexual insecurities. You may be doing things that are so repulsive to her that she can't imagine sex with you(not trying to imply anything about you, that is just a possibility). And on and on and on and on ...
So I guess the answer to your question is, it depends. IF the W absolutely said no more sex for the rest of our marriage no matter what, I don't care what you do, then my marriage would be shortened considerably. It would be a "deal breaker" for me.
"Now off to go deal with my tailspinning universe..."
Hey, be well, or as well as you can. I know that tailspinning feeling. Don't let it get to much control over you, or the tailspinning takes over your life.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
