This is a rough time, especially for a tough cowgal like yourself. It's OK to have a bad PMA day, to want to not initiate and to want to stay out of his way. You can only push yourself so much b/f you need a break to regain the strength to go at it again. You've demonstrated incredible resolve and determination, respect and compassion. In an odd way, so has your H. You and I both know that there were a LOT of things said in anger, painful things, and I think rehashing is not good. It's left a scar, but let it heal. He was hurting when he said that....if he really felt that way, don't you think he would have left.
I know that you're sick of this. At times, I want to clod your H over the head myself. BUT, in his own way, he's trying, really. I look back at the days that my H came home each night and came to bed, came home at all, and I think of how painful it must have been to do that small thing. Same with your H.
I know it's hard to constantly push your own pain, needs and anger down to always understand and be patient of his. It's unfair. It's OK to feel that way, to vent, to journal here, to cry, to want to lock the door and melt down. It's healthy. At some point you're gonna get sick of crying and want to get up and move on and see the sun again. You've been pushing yourself, dragging yourself through every hump and hard day. It's OK to have a bad one.
I know that finding solace in baby steps for SO LONG is annoying...esp. when you've gotten there b/f and gone back. BUT, they are baby steps. Lots of them. Ooodles of them. Gather them and feel some peace with that.
Stop trying to find trends with time of OWB. May be trends, may not be trends. May be that he feels the same way, but she's not in the picture...you don't know and he's human, not predictable. Also, is there anything you can do? No....just let it be. Focus on you, your life. It will come to you in time...believe in that. It won't stay like this forever.
Take solace in this: your H could be faking being happy with you...complacent. Settling, putting up with it. You could do the same. You could have lived like that until a day came when you both realized that it was dead, and not coming home was easier and had nothing special. Instead, I see that you and your H have a great deal of integrity and value for your life and M. You were unhappy, you voiced it, you made changes, you are going through the motions of sorting it out, you're not hiding it from the other...basically, you're not settling for anything else. Sleeping on the couch to say that things are NOT OK now is better than sleeping with you and pretending like nothing is happening b/c you stopped caring to say anything long ago. It's sincere, brutal, but sincere. For that, I'm happy for you. I know that you are too.
This will end. Things will get back in some ways, and some ways, they'll get better. It's been a long time for the 2 of you to walk out now. There is obviously something for both of you that pulls you back. You mention that H has a resolve of steel and can't fake things...so don't you think that if living with you was truly unbearable, he would have left, no matter what? I think so.
BUT, in his own way, he's trying, really. I look back at the days that my H came home each night and came to bed, came home at all, and I think of how painful it must have been to do that small thing. Same with your H. 
