OK I see the purpose, I will try to figure it out. Am I right that it pretty much automatically updates to your current thread, or am I going to have to figure this out and commit it to memory?
WCW Just yesterday my H got inthe car and changed the station on the radio. It is some sort of attention getting device, I think. Luckily I was able to point it out to him jokingly. Isnt it a strange thing? My H did it allllll the time with the tv channels.
I am convinced it is some bratty act to get us annoyed and therefore get our attention.
What would be the best reaction??
A sympathetic (but can we sound sincere? ) : "Oh Honey, you must be exhausted. Let me get myself out of your space."
I dont know ... it is just so annoying... but all the more reason that we should not let it get to us.
My H is coming over in 20 min... let's see what he turns off or what channels/stations he changes!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Things are going good for you, WCW....just an annoying things he did...I think it might bother you more that he just went to bed without much ceremony....I can understand...no matter how hard you try, when things go well, it stings when old behaviors come up.
My H does the same, and he honestly doesn't think about what I could want....station changes, channel changes, etc. When I pipe up, he's really respectful. I'm sure if Ithought about it (not even that hard ), I could think of a million things I do the same thing with....
ahem, wait a minute...I DID...isn't that the big reason why we're in this mess (read: controlling wife!!!)
Hope the night goes well--how are you feeling? How are the vibes from H?
Thanks, gals! You’ve got some good fresh ideas, I’m pretty stale in what I can come up for myself. Remember though, H’s bed is on the couch and the TV and the computer I use are all in the same room. His option is easy in my opinion, go sleep in our bed. It’s not my problem if he can’t get to sleep on the couch because I am still using the living room for it’s purpose while H uses it as his bedroom. Rant over, got it out, I haven’t done what it takes to change that for over a year already. So do something different, but what? Don’t know or I would have done it.
I’m having a bit of a down night. Some of it is I am just plain tired from not much sleep last night, some of it a busy day and the wind blows so hard your hair gets longer, some of it because I usually have some time to talk to a great friend almost every day, and today we didn’t connect. I didn’t get my PMA boost. Then, as the hours ticked by, I got restless being home alone again, which is very unusual for me, and I ended up heading out for a while to putz around besides just stay home. H was here when I got home, gruff and tough has returned. I mostly ignored the attitude, didn’t ask anything, and tried to be ‘chipper’. Worked on some projects, thanked him for the tasty food he made and shared with me, made a few jokes, and I’m headed for bed soon so I don’t blow anything. Too tired = bad WCW, I know that. I’ll set the remote by him when I walk past and say good night. He seems to be losing the attitude as the night rolls on, or maybe it’s me, or maybe he didn’t like walking into the empty house, or maybe he did and got crabby when I got home.
I did get a couple of offers for GAL this weekend. I might be busier than I want to be!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
maybe maybe maybe. who cares In the end you handled it well. He made a nice dinner. look at that as a positive. Atleast he didn't cook for one and leave you his dirty dishes.
You are correct. And something I realized too that I had forgot, is the style or type of food that H likes, that he makes when he cooks. Mental note of that. But he did leave the dirty dishes, which I didn't do anything about this morning either, and you'll know why if you keep reading.
This is officially the warmest January on record for this state, the weather guy said so this morning. H must have been listening.
Last night just before I went to bed I gave H some website updates for one of the organizations we are involved with. He started working on them right away, and after I was in bed he came to ask some questions and ask about some errors I had made. He was right, I made some typos, and I thanked him and thanked him for doing the updates so fast too. I really do appreciate it, the information is important to have up for the date of the event coming up in February.
Restless night sleeping, and it must’ve been for H as well. I saw lights on well before 5am. H ended up in the hallway looking out the window, and I said good morning while I was still laying in bed. He said, what? And started talking about the sky and how pretty it was and the sliver of moon, and walked in the bedroom, looking out the window which is right by the bed, so I reached up and scratched his hairy chest, and we spent the next hour in a tickling/wrestling match on the bed. I was late for work. Which was just fine, because I had already told them yesterday that I was headed straight to the store for donuts for a meeting here this morning, so no one expected me at 7am anyway. Whew!
I wasn’t quite as caught off guard this morning, this is a returning pattern of H stalling in the hallway, and I seized the opportunity, and he responded. During all the wrestling, in the moments of rest before a ‘new hold’, we had eye contact and I saw some looks on his face that I have not seen for years. It almost felt like he wanted to say something, like he had some words that he was holding back. This is all so great and wonderful, but I am still very guarded. I will sure take the good as it comes, and hope we can keep forward momentum. A little thing like this a good start, but I can’t help but think of the million things that are still so wrong, how do we ever chip away at all of that? It becomes depressing and overwhelming, I have to step away from those thoughts, and just dwell on the good things.
Out the rest of today for meetings.
And while I am writing very controlled and logically, this is how I am inside...
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WOW!!!! If you need a relative relationship check to know how wonderful this is....I don't remember the last time H and I did ANYTHING for an hour, unless we're both strapped into the car driving somewhere.
I know you're guarded. What did you see in his eyes...what feelings? What do you think he wanted to say? If I'm being nosy (and I am), then don't answer.
Really, you've had nearly a FULL WEEK of wonderful things...I know it's not as consistent as you want, and you still have grumpy, late, tired H too. But, hey, it's reality, right? Better that it's sincere than acting. Take it as it comes...love it for what it is. I know you do.
SO happy that you took the opportunity when he was in the hall, thanked him last night, etc. I really think he's just as, if not MORE, guarded and scared than you are. He's feeling guilty and overwhelmed at the distance b/w you two. I think when you reach out first at his little attempts to stand at the chasm, he leaps. You give him the faith to jump back...keep it up. You're still his friend, and that's the best thing in the world.
Quote: A little thing like this a good start, but I can’t help but think of the million things that are still so wrong, how do we ever chip away at all of that? It becomes depressing and overwhelming, I have to step away from those thoughts, and just dwell on the good things.
I hear you. I am battling this too. I ahve been trying to remember that this is just my neg. controlling tape in my head trying to "protect" me by expecting that things won't work out. Staying focused on the postive things is key. I mean just look at all the pos. that has happened. I bet if someone told you months ago that you would have that tickling match/look in eyes exchange today you would have not beleived them or thought only a miracle could make that happen.
Isn't it amazing what people can do when we believe in them and have compassion for them? I mean a huge part of it is for me at least, that even when my H or someone hurts me it is only because they are human and hurting or afraid.
Kind of a liberating thought for me.
GO, WCW, GO!!!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
in bed he came to ask some questions and ask about some errors I had made. He was right, I made some typos, and I thanked him and thanked him for doing the updates so fast too. I really do appreciate it, the information is important to have up for the date of the event coming up in February.
Yep, WCW, I'm telling you, this man has "acts of service" as a LL. No doubt about it.
Quote:
which is right by the bed, so I reached up and scratched his hairy chest, and we spent the next hour in a tickling/wrestling match on the bed. I was late for work. Which was just fine, because I had already told them yesterday that I was headed straight to the store for donuts for a meeting here this morning, so no one expected me at 7am anyway. Whew!
Awesome.
Quote:
I wasn’t quite as caught off guard this morning, this is a returning pattern of H stalling in the hallway, and I seized the opportunity, and he responded. During all the wrestling, in the moments of rest before a ‘new hold’, we had eye contact and I saw some looks on his face that I have not seen for years. It almost felt like he wanted to say something, like he had some words that he was holding back. This is all so great and wonderful, but I am still very guarded. I will sure take the good as it comes, and hope
Way to go! May I make a suggestion? You know...the whole guys and saying what they are thinking and not being very good at it most of the time...the next time he gets that look in his eyes. Just plant a kiss on him and start wrestling again. He'll understand that you "get it". I promise.
Quote:
we can keep forward momentum. A little thing like this a good start, but I can’t help but think of the million things that are still so wrong, how do we ever chip away at all of that? It becomes depressing and overwhelming, I have to step away from those thoughts, and just dwell on the good things.
Try to be happy in the moment. You have a ways to go but you are seeing some melt after two years of frost. Yes, you've been hurt but the old H is coming around again. We know that he isn't the bad person that we thought he might be and, knowing that, eventually he will apologize, in his own way if not in words, for the tough times you've been through. And I'm sure that these haven't been the happiest times for him either...whatever internal dialogue he has had running for all of this time. Try to be forgiving and accepting and practice detaching when you start to have these bad feelings. Remember the STOP sign? Rejoice in the good and just detach from the bad.
You are doing a great job, WCW! I'm really really proud of you and so happy for you!
) : "Oh Honey, you must be exhausted. Let me get myself out of your space."
Which was just fine, because I had already told them yesterday that I was headed straight to the store for donuts for a meeting here this morning, so no one expected me at 7am anyway. Whew! 
