Quote: He should <shudder yuccky word> respect what you dont want. He will only respect which you require.
Okay. But. But I *can't* require anything from X. Or at least I can't see how I can. He does what he wants. Example: I had a friend and her kids over for dinner tonight. X refused to come down and eat with us, saying he felt "sick." He made an amazing recovery, though, later in the evening when he had to go out to "teach" a class (ie, show a movie). I didn't say anything when he came down, but continued my happy, laughing conversation with my friend and her kids. But if I did say anything, I know what I'd hear:
"That's just the way I am, Landica. It's not my problem that you're not happy with it. If you don't like it, leave."
Quote: Ok last scenario. You in turn must also respect what he doesnt want. Which brings us back to choice. either he wants to talk about the R or..... ?? either you accept that he is the way he is or .....??
It doesn't look like I have too many options here. I guess I can put up with not talking about the relationship (an ex-boyfriend drove me absolutely up the wall with his constant need to discuss the re-lay-shun-ship). So I can identify with his dislike of those conversations. But I don't see what I can do --except tell him to leave -- if I can't accept him the way he is. He's got very clear boundaries.
Quote: Im going to differ with corries assesment of your marital contract. Marriages existed for millenia without POP. Pieces of paper. You and H have remarried for all intensive purposes. Joint dwelling, socially recognized, family unit, implicitly understood fidelity. Id wager there are even joint finances somewhere. my opinion. at any rate those POP have no consequence on emotion and rarely on action.
I don't think I agree with you here. If we had never been married, I might consider a marriage contract just a piece of paper. But we were married. And now we're not. I think of myself as single. It actually would mean a tremendous amount to me if X wanted to get really, legally remarried. But I know he doesn't want to. And that hurts. And makes me feel less committed to him. And also more worried that he'll leave (which, yeah, I know, might not be such a bad thing). But, for me, it's not the same as being married.
