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I think Steve betrayed you as well, but you are more willing to let him off the hook




Well, this is certainly true. But I do feel that Steve had less reason to be loyal to me. Or to put it another way, that he lived up to his side of the contract. We had a "deal" that, while we weren't exclusive, we would tell each other if we started seeing someone else. Which he did.

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What occurred with Sarah, while painful, is also a clear example of a BOUNDARY. You are capable of them... even though what seems to be a black and white issue you might claim as an 'easy' one. In this instance, you refused to be a 'victim' with Sarah. You cut her out of your life. Period. Friends don't do that to friends. Period. No ifs ands or buts. Period. Non-negotiable item. Period. Got it? Yep. That's a boundary.




This makes me feel better about myself. At least I did the *right* thing with regard to Sarah.

Though, just can't understand why this episode made me fall apart in the way that it did. And I really mean fall apart, I lost 15 pounds (which I certainly did not need to do, spent most of my days crying or sleeping, and couldn't really perform adequately, either as a mother to my son or at work. Taking a shower was a major effort. I lost so much weight that I had to be hospitalized for about a week, while they basically forcefed me.

Why did I let these two people affect me like this? I just don't get it. Even when X and I split up, I was able to rebound pretty quickly.... What I think is that, post-X, I developed such close relationships with my girlfriends, that the realization that I couldn't trust them either just push me over the edge. Sound about right?

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What becomes murkier for you, I believe, are the boundaries you set with men. I'm sure this is because of issues with your father. Girls need to be loved by their daddies, and when that is absent, we become doormats when we shouldn't, or we become overly controlling... we tend to operate in extremes because we never really had that oh so important foundation from our Papas.




Well, this could be. Maybe I just learned to expect so little from my father, in terms of love, affection, affirmation, that I'll too easily settle for little from another man.

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So. Say it with me. Steve was a PRICK, a dishonest, dishonorable schmuck who DID NOT deserve you.


[

:laughing: Yeah all that, and he was also not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I once sent him a famous love poem in Latin (he had been a classics major in college) and he said "Landica, you know I don't know Spanish."

No, what I miss is not Steve per se, it's the way I felt about him that I miss. I just looooved him. I thought his balding hair was cute. I thought his receding chin was adorable. I thought his cluelessness about art and literature was soooo sweet.

It sounds ridiculous now, but, I even convinced myself what was (in retrospect) good, but far from great, sex was eathshattering. Although, to give him credit, he was extremely well, um, endowed.

One of my friends once said to me "Landica, you're always going on and on about what a great body Steve has. How is he different from anyone else? Does he have three legs?"

"Actually," I said, "just about"

But, getting back to the issue of boundaries, I'm doing pretty well. I just blew off "freezer guy" #2 (that's what one of my friends calls ex-boyfriends that you remain friendly with). Felt really good.


So that brings me back to X. He's been *good* lately. But (and this is a boundary) I'm not going to remain in a sexless relationship forever. Of course, it's a little trickier than I realized, because X has now told me that the anti-depressants he's on make it impossible for him to, um, get it up. And, while I recognize that, theoretically, there are lots of other *things* we could do, what I really, really like is *real* sex.

L, randily (sp?)