Wow. Let me deal with some of your easier questions first. I'm going to have to think about the more difficult ones a little more and work to absorb some of your suggestions/ideas/thoughts.
Quote: (And I have to ask here... were you actively dating Steve while he was making a move on Sarah? Was Sarah aware you were actively dating Steve when she began to see him?)
Mmmm...well *I* thought I was dating Steve with an agreement that we'd tell each other if we decided to start seeing someone else. Probably (I'm guessing here) Steve thought we were f*ck buddies who saw each other a couple of times a week and talked on the phone for a hour every night.
And (as far as I know) Steve didn't make a move on Sarah. In fact, I think it was the other way round. Sarah told me that she was thinking about taking Steve out to dinner to thank him for some favor that I had asked him do for her.
We had (what I thought) was a very open discussion about it. I told her that I really didn't like the idea and that it sounded like a date.
Sarah said, no, this was just the way that she thanked anyone who did favors for her. I said that I couldn't believe that she would actually try and make a move on someone that I was seeing.
She reassured me that she wasn't attracted to Steve. She told me that she knew how much I cared about him and said she wouldn't do it if it really bothered me. We left it at that and didn't discuss it again and our friendship continued just as it always had.
Now, of course, no-one put a gun to Steve's head to get him to go out on this "thank you" dinner with Sarah. But the fact is that she was the one who asked him out.
That conversation with Sarah was in October. In December (December 3, to be exact), Steve told me that there was something very important he needed to tell me. I thought that maybe he had decided that he was ready to make more of a commitment to our relationship. Instead, he told me that he had been seeing Sarah.
Quote: did these people really betray you?
Did they *really* betray me? I don't think Steve did. I do think Sarah did.
And at least he had the guts to tell me what was going on.
Coincidently, just a couple of hours before that talk with Steve, I had been on the phone with Sarah. We chatted about all the new clothes she had bought, including a bunch of short skirts and tight tops. I told her that, with her figure, she'd look great in them. Oddly enough, the topic of Steve didn't come up.
In the end, Steve didn't owe me anything. Sarah, on the other hand, had been one of my closest friends for years. She knew exactly how much I loved Steve.
In fact, she once said to me, "I always know when you're thinking of Steve because you get this certain little smile on your face." I told her over and over again that I had never felt the kind of love for anyone that I felt for Steve. That I didn't think it was possible for me to feel that way about anyone.
And I blush to think of the initimate details of my relationship with Steve-- both physical and emotional -- that I shared with Sarah.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that when you share those kind of things about a man with a girlfriend that, yes, she's betraying you if she starts seeing him.
But, in the end, what difference does it make? Even if it wasn't a real betrayal, it sure felt like one. Or am I missing something here?
Quote: Number one, he ISN'T your H. The marital contract has already been broken. Stop treating this as if it is a marriage, because it isn't.
I think I've inadvertently introduced some confusion here. I've been calling him H because H is his initial.
I suppose I could come up with some other name for him. How about X? I certainly don't see my relationship with X as a marriage. I don't feel any of the commitment that I would if I were married to him.
Well, that's all I can deal with for now. But I'll be baaaaack....
