I confess (to your enjoyment, I'm sure) that I'm stumped.

The counselor confesses... MUA HA HA HA. J/k


Or is it more fun to just watch me flounder?

The only thing I like to see flounder is a 'great catch' on the end of my rod...... .....mmmm ..... Tuna fishing off Baja on the way to the San Benito Islands (breath taking, pristine, diving and lots of sea lions and guadalupe fur seals) is fun, but there is nothing like having a 120# pacific halibut run your line out while breathing in the Crisp, salty, pine scented, fresh alaskan air.... man I miss halibut fishing (piss on this hell on earth they call the city of angels... city of demons, sharks and rats I say) .... I digress

SO no I dont enjoy watching anyone here flounder. Its kinda counter to me wanting to 'help' if, when I can. I do like causing reactions, pointing them out, and making people think while they laugh, or curse me. Whichever, its all good. I do like teasing. I would love to watch you flounder should we be on opposing sides of the depo table ....but since you are a criminal lawyer, that wont happen (knock on wood)

Hmmm, There is something in that statement.... Something to do with your Inner voice. cant quite put my finger on it...."I probably should be able to figure this one out on my own, but, I confess (to your enjoyment, I'm sure) that I'm stumped. Care to enlighten me? Or is it more fun to just watch me flounder?"
You assume a negative connotation to my motives.... it appears. I was just making an I statement. I wasnt trying to stump you, expect you to figure it out, or leave you guessing, when I made my comment about my assumptions. It was also my way - a guys -of saying sorry, since I felt 'bad' for being 'mean'.
Why couldnt I just say sorry? Guys dont say sorry, boys dont cry....Smart guys are never wrong... They do try to make up for their mistakes with their ACTIONS.
Let me state it clearly. Do you see any of this in your Hubby?


back to you and your internal voice, Maybe its just you, may be reinforced thru work, may be reinforced via Hubby....

Care to enlighten me?
Enlightenment comes from within. We can follow other bright lights, even try to get a spark from others flames. Which I have beeen doing here. But you have to feel the A Ha yourself. Untill then its just chicken scratch letters strung together in words, making sentences, trying valiantly, but ineffectively to describe concepts.

So I assumed that you hadnt tried all of these...
Quote:

I've tried ignoring it, saying something equally hurtful back, trying to make it into some kind of joke, saying very softly "you know, that really hurt me." None of these have worked at all.

specifically the last one.
I also assumed that you havent tried stopping him while he is in a fit of meanness and saying- --- 'If you cant be nice----There is the door. I will not be treated by anyone, Especially you, my best friend,(?) like this. You can stop, or you can leave. Your choice.'---instead of leaving yourself(stop doing that-- every time you come back He wins the battle. Your reinforcing bad behaivior on his part. STOP IT!)

Boundary. Big brick wall boundary. Stand in front of the mirror, flex your guns and say 'GRRRRRRRRR. I have Boundaries.' LOL. Im laughing, but I am not kidding.

Since you stated you have tried all of the aforementioned,(though you didnt say for how long) I agree with your assesment that he is very very sharp,(obviously he has you lusting after him) and will see thru any 'tactic', technique.
Good. You can make boundaries, state them plainly and clearly much as GEL is doing, and he can either be a part of this R or not. I think he will choose to stay. So its time to knuckle down, take care of you FIRST, and not put up with his emotionally abusive BS anymore. UNacceptable.
I want you to consider the following.
If my H leaves me -awesome, terrific, wonderful me--- I have lost nothing.

Because that fear of loss is the only thing stopping you from standing up for your needs. You are not leaving, not conflict avoiding, not runing away, not being emotionally immature.
You still have to be FEMALE though, or he will want to leave.