Corrie is right. Nothing that others do is about you. It is like we are going through a second adolescence – you know life is like a party that our inner teenager won’t go to because they have a zit on their nose. We are all conscious of ourselves and the impact everyone has on us. When in fact they are not thinking of us at all.
There was a thread a while ago called Love the Chemical Reaction This explains a bit about why you felt you truly loved Steve. You have not betrayed him Landica or your H. I spent 8 years with my former BF mostly because he had had a damaged childhood and I felt that he would be devastated if I left him! he left me in the end. It is time to get over yourself. Your importance to them, your significance in the universe is that of a zit on a teenager’s nose – (Remember I am speaking to myself as much as to you or anyone else here Landica – please don’t feel I am trying to put down).
This all sounds like no-one cares for each other or has any emotional connection to another – but that is not how it works. The old chestnut – if you love someone let them go – holds true. Leave them free to pursue their heart’s desire while maintaining an EC which shows you have empathy with them. If they tell you about their hopes and dreams, validate, listen, empathise. Don’t be hurt or upset that their dreams are not yours, don’t worry that they don’t do what you want them to. Do you have any good friends Landica, you know ones you’ve known for years that just accept you, that don’t hear from you for a year or two and then you pick up the phone and it’s like you’ve never been apart? If you do then I think you will understand what I mean.
When H rescued you from the shock of being betrayed by Steve and Sarah he was there for you. On some levels it was self-serving but in another way it really wasn’t. That shows he has an emotional connection with you. Be there for the highs and for the lows in someone’s life but don’t tie them down and don’t let them tie you down.
I hope this helps you get it. The next part and the very hard part that I am still on the nursery slopes of is to start acting in ways that reflect this understanding of ourselves. Not to carry on in the same old groove using the same habitual ways of behaving that we have lived with for so long.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
he left me in the end. It is time to get over yourself. Your importance to them, your significance in the universe is that of a zit on a teenager’s nose – 
(Remember I am speaking to myself as much as to you or anyone else here Landica – please don’t feel I am trying to put down).
