Quote: Because NOTHING, not ONE THING, that anyone does is because of YOU. ........When you can see that everyone in your life was working their own agenda that had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU...
Well...yes. I can, after thinking about this for awhile, see this. It's not all about me. Sarah, for example, didn't betray me because she wanted to hurt me (well, maybe, just a little). She did it because she wanted what she wanted and I was just, well, collateral damage.
And I certainly don't blame my parents for not really loving me the way I wanted them to. We all have our limitations.
But, and I've been thinking about this for awhile now, in a way, the ultimate betrayal is the way that we betray ourselves. I felt, truly believed that I would always love Steve. I felt that way even after I found out that he was seeing Sarah. I copied in some journal that I was keeping at the time a quote from some Latin author that "although you're gone forever, I will always love you."
But now, all these years later, I don't love Steve anymore. In fact, I think about how stupid I was to be involved with him. And I feel that by stopping loving him that I've betrayed myself in a worse way than he ever betrayed me. Even though it would obviously be counterproductive not to "move on" and stop caring about people who don't care about you.
"Life goes on," Steve always used to say. "And on." I'd say.
And the same thing with H. I feel that if I truly valued and cared about myself that I'd just tell him to get out of my life. I feel like I'm the "bad" person.
