Sorry for the delay in responding. I've been out of town for the last three days... I haven't forgotten about you, just been really pressed with time.
To get you thinking.... let's assume for a moment that your parents do not love you in an emotionally acceptable way. I am sure this is even more obvious to you now that you have your own child. Knowing how you feel about your own son, and then thinking back on your own childhood, I'm sure the stark difference is blood chilling on some level.
This doesn't make your parents 'bad' people, just very, very limited. So if we assume this is true, does that mean YOU are limited? Intellectually you would say no immediately. Can you say this in your heart? Can you accept that you ARE a lovable person, and that Who You Are and your own Self-worth are not dependent upon your parents limitations?
It's easy to misplace blame on our parents for all the ways in which we feel limited as people, after all, they molded and shaped us in our critical formative years. We carry these experiences of ours into adulthood, and if we never challenge them, we hold THEIR limitations as OUR own truth. It rarely, if ever, occurs to us to challenge what we ASSUME to be TRUTH, for we have accepted it as such.
We humans, as a matter of course, will always question that which appears false or suspect to us, but rarely, if ever, do we challenge or examine what we hold to be TRUE. Never asking ourselves, 'but why do I hold this to be true? Well, x, y, and z, happened, so that must make these things true...
And I say to you... 'well, not necessarily.' Because NOTHING, not ONE THING, that anyone does is because of YOU. Everything we do in life is an ego-based action or reaction. Period. Think about it... really think about it.
When you can see that everyone in your life was working their own agenda that had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU... it becomes a bit easier to see those things that we've always held as true are now on some very serious shaky ground.
We must all at some point in our lives accept responsibility for ourselves. At some point, we must sever the remaining ties we have with our 'childhoods' and accept responsibility for our own 'lovableness.' Who We Are, How We Think, What We Want. You throw out EVERYTHING you've ever held as true, and start all over again. You may find some things that you want to keep, or rediscover as truth, from an adult perspective, but you own it as an action of YOURS, not something that was foisted off upon you years and years ago by people who were struggling with their own faulty humaness. It's starting at square one. If you can boot your parents out of your 'lovableness' equation, the whole equation that is YOU... can you look at yourself as a fresh canvas? Can you see yourself in this brand new way? How does it feel? Can you feel how this completely obliterates all the previously held assumptions you've had about yourself? It will feel awkward and new, and in some sense, it may even feel like a severe identity crisis.
If you feel this way, that is a good thing. This is where we need to get you. Think on this for a time, for it is a lot to take in and absorb. Let me know when you get there, or if you have any questions. Then we'll continue.
