Quote: If this is the case, I’d like to ask you a question. Really think about it, and if it hits home, it’s probably going to really smack you in the gut.
What if neither of your parents really loved you? What if that were true? How does that make you feel, and where then does that leave you?
Well, (although he'd probably deny it) I actually don't think that my father loves me or even really cares all that much about me. He mouths the words once in while and comes to visit me occasionally. But that's about it.
When he does visit, he's always complaining about the traffic and the distance. He's told me on numerous occasions that he just doesn't have time more than once every four months or so to see me or his grandson. (he lives less than an hour away by car and is retired. He's also in perfect health and goes to New York a few times a month and Europe and the Carribean at least twice a year)
When I was overwhelmed with depression following the Sarah and Steve issue and having trouble coping with the tasks of daily life, he told me (and my therapist -- who was shocked) that he just didn't have the time to come and help me and my son out.
How do I deal with it? How does that make me feel? Basically, I try not to think about it. But, yeah, I do feel that I've done the best I can and that I really couldn't have done anything more to "win" his love.
My mother? Well, that's a different story. She once said to me, when I was about 11 or so, "Landica, I love you more than I love your brother and I also hate you more than I hate your brother."
I think she loves me now, but I'm sure that she didn't really love me when I was a child.
My mother was way ahead of her time. Unlike my friend's moms, she worked. She was even a doctor. (not a nurse, as I always had to explain to my teachers).
She had affairs. She ran off with a much younger OM (who was our live-in babysittter ) for a quickie Vegas divorce. When she got tired of OM (after about 5 years of marriage), she ditched him for OM2, who she also married.
So, I definitely felt that my needs and wants came a distant third to my mother's relationships and her work.
How does that make me feel? Well, not good, but at least I don't blame myself for it. My mother made her own decisions about what mattered most in her life, and that certainly wasn't me or my brother.
But the only time when my mother really *hated* me was from when I was about 13 to 22. When my mother was having her affair with OM2 (at the time she was married to OM1) she was never home, leaving me and my brother with OM1, our stepfather.
OM1 directed all his anger with my mother against me and (though I hate to admit it, for a short time verbally, physically and (to some extent) sexually abused me.
I put a stop to that on my 13th birthday, when I announced that I was moving out to live with my father and that I was taking my little brother with me. I did exactly that and, in some ways, I think my mother has never forgiven me.
Sorry for the sob story. I don't think about it that much, but when I write it out like that, my childhood does sound pretty bad.
But, getting back to your original question: "What if neither of your parents really loved you? Where would that leave you?
I guess I'd have to say that it would leave me pretty much where I am now.
) for a quickie Vegas divorce. When she got tired of OM (after about 5 years of marriage), she ditched him for OM2, who she also married.
