I may be way off base in what I am going to say to you, so take this however you need.
But I get the feeling that your primary problem in finding happiness is that at the very core of you, you don’t feel lovable. That sounds very simple, but the undoing of it is anything but.
I don’t know what it was like growing up in your home, but I would venture to say that either one or both of your parents were emotionally distant (probably your father). Emphasis was probably placed on performance, and you somehow began measuring your worth by what you accomplished, how you acted (proper or not), etc. You never felt like you were ‘good’ enough, and probably wondered why you couldn’t be loved just ‘for you.’ This does not mean you had an unhappy childhood, this does not mean you aren’t a pretty happy person in general. As a matter of fact, I would go even so far as to say you have a hyper-sensitivity to others – picking up on their feelings and emotions – and in order not to become overwhelmed by this ability of yours, you learned to stifle it over the years. In your authentic state, I’d say you are probably one of the most understanding, radiant, happy people on the planet… but over the years, this part of you has diminished because you’ve been around people who have sucked that life force right out of you.
If this is the case, I’d like to ask you a question. Really think about it, and if it hits home, it’s probably going to really smack you in the gut.
What if neither of your parents really loved you? What if that were true? How does that make you feel, and where then does that leave you?
Think it through. Don’t be afraid to consider it, even if it stings a little.
Let’s start here. I think we should take this one step at a time so you can find the answers yourself, rather than me just writing a dissertation and telling you. I do have a direction with this, so please be patient with me.
If I’m off-based, please explain, or add to what I’ve said here as needed.
