Wow. I'm going to try to work my way through all of these responses
Blackfoot said:
Quote: And just let me add that H was a real sweetheart these last couple of days.
Figure out what the dynamic was that caused this. Do what works.
Yep. I'm pretty sure I've figured this one out. See below.
This is simultaneously the pot calling the kettle black ,by him, and an insight into your H. You needed him, he stepped up and 'took care of you'. This is a very strong desire/motivator for men --to be the rescuer. He does care for you.
This is exactly what's been going on over the past few days. I've been having a hard time at work (new and unpleasant supervisor) and H has been seeing my hurt and trying to support me and take care of me[/red]
L: I understand you feel that way, but is that how you really want to feel? Maybe you could change
Quote: ... Don't say this again
Point taken
I ultimately respond to the barrage by saying something like "I refuse to be around someone who talks to me like that" and leave the room or the car or the house. Which, in essence, means his strategy works
Quote: This has to be changed. Its threating to him, invokes his abandonment, love avoider issues, brings up his walls. change it to what though? mmmmm...... thinking..... what would a 180 be. What would a confidant person do.... what would defuse the situation, yet set boundaries at the same time.
Give us some of your ideas, smarty pants Lawyer. Ill hold back on mine for now.
my ideas: sorry, I'm stumped. I've tried ignoring it, saying something equally hurtful back, trying to make it into some kind of joke, saying very softly "you know, that really hurt me." None of these have worked at all. So I welcome your thoughts.
