After reading through this thread, I have to agree with Corri, (and Stigmata I think, if I can get through his long post…). Your tendency to hang on to your ex smacks of heavy codependency to me. That has everything to do with you and nothing to do with him. Until you clear up these issues, trying to get your ex to address his issues will be an exercise in futility. He is smart enough to see through your walls and any contradictions or weaknesses within you. He does sound a little narcissistic too. Trying to out-rationalize him will not work.
And like Blackfoot says, threatening him will just cement his position to stay distant. You know he is emotionally damaged. My feeling is that he does want to “feel”, but he has built up such strong walls that he cannot. He convinces himself that he is happy, only because he knows that at the moment he is not unhappy. So learns to believe that he doesn’t need affection and he stays within his walls. I believe he is not unlike any other human being and he does want a loving relationship. He is in VERY DEEP denial. His glints of anger toward you sound like projection. Pulling him out of his shell into a healthy emotional state may be next to impossible. But working with him and learning more about how the two of you interact will help you deal with your issues.
