Quote: I read the convo between you and your xh. Is that the way he normally speaks to you or was he unspeakably angry?
I found it to be extremely disrespectful and downright hateful.
He certainly doesn't usually talk to me this way. I've figured out that this is a strategy that H uses whenever I ask him to meet some of my needs or tell him that I'm unhappy with something he's doing. His idea is that a good defense is a vicious offense and he says the absolute most hurtful, horrible things he can think of (I didn't even include some of the worst ones).
Basically, I ultimately respond to the barrage by saying something like "I refuse to be around someone who talks to me like that" and leave the room or the car or the house. Which, in essence, means his strategy works, since he doesn't have to respond to my concerns and I'm usually so upset that I don't bring them up again for several weeks/months.
This time, however, I reiterated to him today that if he didn't start meeting some of my needs he could leave immediately. He was fairly contrite and apologized for what he had said and said that, although it was very hard for him, that he was going to try to do better in terms of giving me affection and compliments. I'd personally like many more specifics on how he's going to "try." But, at least it's something....
Quote: So you unconsciously keep yourself stuck with your xh
Absolutely right. So, it only took you, what, 6 or 7 posts to figure out what years of therapy failed to make me understand.
