I think you already knew and he has pretty much told you now that you are on a hiding to nothing. Kick him out (it was he who moved back with you wasn't it?). He is getting his needs met - i.e. someone to keep house, a way of seeing his son whenever he wants to, and no need to feel lonely because there are others in the house around him. You are not getting yours met. It is a bum deal and if I were you I would call his bluff (it is bluff of course).
My H is quite similar in many ways, he likes to be alone in a house full of people. Your xH is using you and in some ways you are using him too. I notice from your remarks about what it is you like about him they include the fact that he is good looking and highly intelligent. Well kudos to you for bagging a man like that! That is what you want the world to think isn't it?
My sister was married to a very good looking and highly successful business man for 15 years. They fought like cat and dog, they did not enjoy the same things and he never once made her O. Now they are D and she is with a middling looking guy on a middling income but they spend wild passionate nights together and the rest of the time they are splitting their sides with laughter. Your xH is a selfish bully and you are letting him get away with it because it looks good to the outside world.
BTW I can really relate to your need for intellectual company but you can find that elsewhere (join a bookclub or a debating society).
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
