As for the use of porn by victims of sexual abuse... porn creates no intimacy issues and it keeps the user of it from being vulnerable in any way. Typically for sex abuse survivors, the physical act of sex is not the problem, nor is their desire. All the emotions the act itself 'triggers' is what's the problem. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your xH's problem is with an old defense mechanism that was at one point very useful and necessary for him... but is now getting in the way of him enjoying a true and intimate connection with you.
It is very difficult to overcome, and in many instances, the prognosis isn't very high... but it CAN be overcome, if he wants to face his demons.
And if this is a man that you love everything else about, and he CAN'T overcome this, then yes, I would discuss with him your idea about finding your sex elsewhere. For him to expect you to remain faithful and sex-starved IS something you really need to set a boundary on... especially now that you are not married.
