I thought the mantra was that you can change only yourself, that is, try to work on your own issues, improve yourself and act in new ways towards your partner, on the theory that the other person will change in reaction to your changes. Or did you mean individual counseling for me?
Basically, the problem is that H is pretty content with the way things are, so long as I don't rock the boat by raising any of my "issues" about affection/sex. His attitude, put bluntly, is "if you're unhappy, leave." And if I left, I would really have to leave and cut off contact with H. During my single days, my close bond and frequent communication with H, was (understandably) one of the biggest problems in any other relationship I formed.
I am not one to believe that if you change yourself the M will change with it. Some people believe in that theory but I think it takes BOTH people to make changes in order for the M to be successful. Changes in yourself, GAL, and so forth are wonderful to work on YOU but not really the M. As far as ind. counseling for you, that is a personal choice only you can make. Your H does not want you to rock the boat but you are not having your needs met. So, you are in the driver's seat, not him. Set the boundary for yourself, like others have been discussing. "If he does not want to have a fulfilling sex life, I will not stay in the R/M." If he is absolutely unwilling to change, then you either give up on your want/need or you get out. I know it is easier said than done but that is the simplified choice. Don't beat your head against a wall for years to come.
