Newbie here and feeling pretty much hopeless. Here's the summary. Read it and weep.

H and I got married in 1989.

One child, born in 1991.

New Year's Eve 1996 H gives me the "we're just not meant to be together" speech (a few days later, I learn about OW, who H dumps a few months later)
H moves out, but we remain very good friends

Winter 2000: we finally get legally divorced, but remain on very good terms

Summer 2004: ex-H tells me he wants to get back together with me and moves back in

H just isn't very interested in s-x or affection and completely rejects me if I try to initiate anything. He's always had somewhat of a low sex drive -- affected by childhood sexual abuse, (former) alcoholism, and, I suppose, just his general nature. He's been through extensive counselling, which has -- in my view -- only made matters worse in that he now feels that his low sex drive is completely justified and sees no reason to change. He's said that this has been a problem with every relationship he's ever had -- he's able to be affectionate and sexual in the beginning, but soon loses any interest.

He never compliments my appearance (I'm blonde and slender and, in general, get my fair share of male attention). He does appreciate that I cook and clean and generally take care of the house and our S14. (Note: I'm a lawyer who works long hours, while he's an academic, who is home much of the day.)

In the past, I've tried talking to him about it, but he hates any discussion about "the relationship," so I basically don't have any deep discussions with him and just do my own thing, don't initiate any affection or sex, spend lots of time at work (I have a great job) and do stuff with my S14 and my friends. H doesn't seem at all put out by my relative withdrawal and, in fact, seems happy to be left alone to read or look at porn on his computer.

I just don't know what more, if anything, I can try. And I have a few male friends from my single days (I guess I am, technically, still single) who would be more than happy to help me out with my, um, physical frustrations.

I read some of the situations of men with LD wives and I get sooo jealous. Please -- does anyone have any constructive advice, suggestions?