Should the OM ever be approached?

[Mike_B]

There's no difference if an OP considers the LBS as a "jerk" or as "a nice guy but not the right guy for this gal", really.

When I began courting my wife, she painted her recent ex as an abusive guy who cheated on her, which made me unsympathetic to him. Had I received a friendly letter from him expressing his remorse for what he had done in their marriage and his on-going commitment to the lady I was dating, I would have definitely discussed it with her, and it would have been a red flag to me. But mine was a different situation in that I was not dating a married woman, and I wouldn't have entertained such a thing. I live by higher ethical standards.

So my thinking is, if the OM comes to believe I'm not a jerk, that my wife isn't indeed a battered wife, maybe he'll approach their relationship with less assurance that what he's doing is for her best.

But from the replies here, I'm tending to think this is wishful thinking.