Haphazard gave you a very accurate scenario. I often felt like that in my 1st M. The thing is that what has made the difference in this M is that even if I'm not exactly in the mood, the EC is better and H doesn't expect "Debbie does Dallas" or berate me for not being sexy if the sex is subpar. Yes, even HDW's have moments when they aren't that horny or when the sex is kinda mediocre. In my former M, there was little EC, H didn't approve of me sexually (wanted something that I wasn't) and so I did sometimes feel violated. Your W needs to find her voice in your R and most especially in your sexual R. It is ok for her to say, "Honey, I'm a little tired but a quickie would be good. Or, how about a bj instead." By the same token, you need to find your sexual voice in your marriage and be able to say, "Honey, you seem a little tired and I am really horny. How about a quickie or a bj?" OR...."How about I draw a bath for you, put the little ones to bed and we'll see how you feel about things later."
The problem in our M's is that so often things reamin unsaid and the longer they do the more the significance of them grows. Once in awhile not being in the mood is normal. However, when we don't or feel we can't address it candidly it begins to look like global lack of interest, lack of caring, lack of emotional connection, or outright sadism on the part of our mate. Does that make some sense?
