Ok Chrome I am going to roll my sleeves up and try to help you out here (even though I am missing Desperate Housewives by doing this!)

Quote:

What she really meant was that it was ingrained in her head as a woman to resist being PRESSURED into sex, not just sex itself. I could here the implied "like you are pressuring me." Well, then she starts into a discussion basically "you have no idea how it feels to not want sex at all but feel like you have to give it." So much for W being a hottie (except in my mind). She tried giving an analogy of being full and somebody trying to force her to eat a big piece of cake, but no, that wasn't a good analogy. Then she dropped a bomb on me. She mentioned something about "rape" I don't know exactly what because my mind fogged over the instant I heard that word.



I can totally understand what she is trying to say and you know perfectly well that I have an inner hottie (not so much of the inner ). I think as a woman there are times when you are not in the mood and you kind of go along with it because you know your SO is in the mood. Now this can't very well happen for a man because a man HAS to be in the mood it's kind of a deal breaker if he's not! There have been times in the past when I have felt somewhat violated by my H and he would be as jaw-droppingly shocked as you were to hear me say it. The scenario kind of goes like this.
H nuzzling up in a suggestive way.
Me (not in the mood - oh so rare occasion) not really responding much.
H fondling the bits that are generally guaranteed to get me in the mood.
Me finding it kind of irritating and not at all a turn on.
H not really seeming to notice that I am not responding much carries on - being assertive I guess.
Me thinking Oh well I guess I can get on with it if it is what he wants. Turn around and respond but not in a very HOT fashion.
Continue to go through the motions thinking why the hell is he doing this when it is so darn obvious that I am not in the mood. And that's when I start to feel violated. The worst thing about when it is like that is that it goes on for longer because I guess he does pick up on the distance between us and doesn't feel so turned on as he normally would. And also because he percieves himself as a gentleman he would be thinking he needs to make sure I O when in actual fact I would far prefer him to just get it over with.

Nowadays if stuff like that starts to happen I just say, I'm not in the mood but we can have a quickie if you like, no need to worry about O for me. It's MUCH better that way, because I feel like we have a deal and I don't mind keeping to my side of it. Whereas in the other scenario I feel like we don't have a deal. Quite often I will just get warmed up and into it anyway because I feel more comfortable about the whole thing. That then leads to the opposite problem where he (thinking it was just a quickie)is far further ahead than me and can't hold on for long enough. Oh the trials that flesh is heir to!

Chrome I think you need to talk more about this. She is opening up to you and that is good. Talk to her about the idea of quickies or other ways she can show she cares for you without feeling she is obliged to do something she is not in the mood for. The thing is she is not liking to turn you down as that can be hurtful and rejecting but at the same time she really isn't that much in the mood. With a quickie she can make it clear both that she is not really in the mood but she is fine about doing it for your benefit. Also sometimes if I offer that H will be happy to back down and I don't sense any resentment from him.

take care

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong