I know, I know, my self-esteem coach would be screaming at me right now. Well, telling me I am not doing things right anyway, he doesn't scream much, not like athletic coaches.
"You are way too hard on yourself. I know you are working on your self-esteem n'such....but I see self-deprecation working it's way in too much on here, if it shows here....it's likely to show at home too"
Believe me, I am trying very hard to give the W the image of a confident, assertive man, and I think I am doing fairly well. I just set my hopes up too high for last night and wasn't prepared for the fall. I guess its a good thing I have a really long workday today, gives me time to buck up.
"You are doing some tough work on yourself and your M, give yourself some credit here...you deserve it."
The problem is, in this "game" (I know it isn't really a game) of love, marriage, affection, sex, seeing progress is intimately tied up with my feelings of self-worth, which is intimately tied up with my progress, etc. etc. When there is an updraft, I ride high on the thermals. When there is a downdraft, I tend to crash on the runway.
"You cannot expect that just because you now have the info and some of the tools to improve your M that you are going to be able to take that ball of information and score a touchdown right off the bat. There are going to be fumbles...that's part of the learning process for you. What you did the other night with your W, that was practice....keep practicing, you'll get the hang of it! But absolutely stop slapping yourself around for the fumbles. Recognize the fumble for what it is....a learning opportunity."
Yeah, gotta change my basic nature. I can remember my high school music teacher getting on to me about making faces when I missed notes, my high school basketball coach about hanging my head down when I missed a shot instead of keeping it up to play defense, etc. I know what I need to do, I just gotta do it.
"Hang in there...I'm pulling for you!"
I appreciate that very much. Thank you.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
