"Your wife at times has hugged you after her O. Obviously this is because of a EC connection she has with you and at these times you should fufill that need by embracing her rubbing her back and all that you already do. And no I am not saying that you should do these things to build or decrease her ec but her pleasure after the o."
OK, gotcha. I should use what seemed to be working in the past as a baseline, and make gradual changes over time to gauge whether she enjoys more or less interaction after her O.
"Yep since she does not want to tell you what her wants and pleasures are but is willing to tend to yours you are stating this is for you (not deceptive because it is ) But doing things that are more about her pleasure."
OK
"Inhibited people think there desires are abnormal or may make someone feel they are abnormal. By making her see you accept her desires and are not going to go running for the hills freaking out she becomes more excepting of her own sexuality as normal. Better?"
Yes, I do see what you mean. By the same token, when she does show a bit of desire, nurture it like a small flame in a stick of twigs by blowing it gently (no pun intended), i.e. encouraging and supporting that show of desire and gradually tweaking it to a higher and higher level. Don't try to turn it into a raging fire and instead probably blow it out.
She did open up a bit this morning (had to leave for work so we didn't get to finish). She had been reading the Marriage Bed website and had come to the following conclusion about herself. As a young girl growing up in the Bible Belt, it was drilled in her to avoid sex and sexuality at all costs, sex and even sexual thinking was for marriage only. Granted, people told her it was ok once you got married to let your sexuality loose, but no one bothered to tell her how. And no one bothered to help her find a way to overcome that Pavlovian "sex is dirty" response that was drilled into her from her pre-teen years onward. I think it was a very interesting mental development on her part. My next question to her is, "now that you have an idea about a potential problem, what are you going to do about it." Should I let this inner revelation percolate for a bit, or should I ask her that question tonight?
"Hmmm this is a step in the right direction. She opened up and told you how she felt about something. I believe that is what you and the guys have been working on with all the R talk advise. I have to stand back on this one and hopefully NOP BF or Stig will step in and take over on advising you how to deal with this."
Yes, a light bulb went off in my head on this one. I had been focusing on how kissing seems to be a powerful thing for her, and was really forgetting how there is a negative connotation attached to it now. She had been rebuffing my attempts to kiss her, and it wasn't jiving with all the "she is an inhibited hottie" talk. Her statements added some clarity to the situation.
And yes, whoever wants to advise on this, please do so.
"Chrome you are doing great. Not everyone could be dealing with so many issues at once and still making progress."
Thanks. WOA make me feel like keeping up the "fight."
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
