It's amazing how complicated relationships between two people can be. We disappoint one another, we hurt one another. But there are times when we love one another, we comfort one another....there is no one on earth who gives us the same level of comfort that our spouses do. No one. Yet sometimes, the damage is too great to repair no matter how good the intentions are. It's so sad, it's difficult to bear.
Wow Heather. This one struck me in the wee hours. I follow along with your thread from time to time and it is similar for me to following Sheila's. Both of yours make my heart ache because somehow, someway they make me think of my own marriage. Not that the issues are the same or the dynamics or whatever. Don't know why really.
Anyway, I often thought if we could somehow rid ourselves of that damn complication and return to something that was what it once was, call it love or couplehood or whatever, then things would be fine. I bet I thought that or said that during my saga a million times.
But you make a point. What if the hurt is too much? I think those of us here who are the LBS's forget that our WAS felt that hurt. It doesn't matter whether we thought it was justified or not or whether we think it justified their actions or not.
Now the two of you overcame that original hurt and more. You swallowed not only that hurt but the guilt you felt for trying to get yourself out of the hurt and hurting your spouse in the process (excuse me if I am remembering histories wrong). But you have done all that only to find your spouses unwilling or unable to accept it.
In a sense, they are you when you started but in a bigger sense they are not because they have not made the final effort you did. And to continue my semi-hijack, that's what reaches to the inner core of my fear. There is no hope for me and XW, but if there was, it scares the sh^t out of me that I would become like your spouses. In fact, I can see it in me sometimes, holding on to the resentment. In Piglet's case, I'm afraid, holding onto it without even knowing it or at least not admitting it.
Damn, how do things become so complicated between a man and a woman? Why can't we wash it away? Thing is, I think we can, but the washing process is so thorough that when it is finished, the two people are no longer connected.
Anyway, I'll go ramble some more on my thread. Here's hoping for both of you.
