Sorry you are where you are. No one is disappointed in you for sharing it though. I can't even imagine the place you're in. I sometimes do, and frankly, it is what gives me strength to accept that my wife has left and is never coming back, because if she did, I'm afraid I would feel as you do right now. Afraid is the key word.
I wonder if you asked yourself something? Is the fear of being hurt only because of H? I mean, if you were to launch into a new R with a new person, would the fear still be there only with that person instead? I believe it would. Of course, you can be like me in my skeptical moments when I decide the potential hurt is not worth the reward of finding someone else. Going through life alone is the only safe thing to do. Some days, I don't want to believe that though, and I am sure, some days, you don't either. Food for thought then - what would come next and how would it be different?
I know what sounds different. Relief, release, no more pressure on Piglet to do the right thing, to salvage a marriage, to act as if so long that it becomes true. I know how tempting that sounds, how absolutly liberating it seems some days. I won't say you won't feel the relief if you do it. I am sure you will, for now. What happens in a year or five or ten is a different story, one I don't know the plot for.
Hang in there, whatever you decide is right for you. We'll will always be there for you. Keep in touch.
