Marriage is an Institution

[WCW]

Thanks sweetie Although you're probably just trying to feel my rear..hehe..we'll call it a hug anyway!

that bigAl sure has a reputation!

Sheila, I started going thru this thread, picking out and pasting all your positive reasons for giving it another try, to work it out. It's all there, you know it, you feel it, you're just not sure that's what you WANT to feel. So! here we are, all your buddies, saying - go for it. H wants to try, he's willing to get help with MC and financial. I would ask him to do it in the other order. Didn't you say financial and ow were the two biggest obstacles? Take care of the one that is black and white. That should generate positives that will make it easier to deal with the next issue.

You have an advantage over me. You have a H that is talking to you, and taking steps to prove that - a new job, counseling, admitting his weaknesses. Listen to me, I will type this very slowly - YOU ARE VERY LUCKY!! Yes, you really are. (What I would give to have my H say "honey, I've decided to stay and work with you, work on our finances, quit keeping secrets, quit leading my double life. I made a mistake, and you're the best thing I have and don't want to lose you.")

Have you stepped back and thought about how life would be without H? when you wake up in the morning, when you go to bed, the weekends, the school functions for the kids, the weddings, the grandkids. Is it worth taking this time to help him work on himself and your marriage?

I do understand how you feel about wondering if you can love him again. I have wondered to, and see it elsewhere on these boards too. What happends when he comes back? I am so busy in the daily dilemnas of what to and what not to do, I haven't given enough thought to what happens when/if my H gets to where your H is. I got a taste of it this weekend, what happened to me? H and I were physically close for the first time in 2 months. I didn't get that high like I always have. It really looped me in my mind, what is wrong? I'm still not sure, but I know that we've cycled up and down so many times, that as much as I am ready to move forward, I still want it to be with him, because I know there is still a great wonderful guy buried in there that comes out once in a while, even when I am around.

Make sure you have plenty of you time, plenty of happy time, and H time. Don't let him smother you, and don't put him on eggshells.

Hang on Sheila, we're here for the Long Haul.