Hugs to you too. You need them more that I do. Thanks sweetie Although you're probably just trying to feel my rear..hehe..we'll call it a hug anyway!
Did the feelings you had for H say, oh, ten years ago, before bombs and D's and crap, seem permanent then? Good point. It's more of a lack of feeling that I'm dealing with right now, but still, things change don't they? He came in an hour ago being very chatty and loving. It bothers me that I don't feel an urge to respond to that lovingness I feel it comin' from him, but it just bounces off and I'm *trying* to go through the motions hoping the feelings will follow.. must be the snails! I view so much of what he does differently now. The pet names he uses .. he could just get rid of them for awhile.. I'm not at the pet name point with him. I'm at a friend point with him at the moment and considering the anger that's had to subside to get there, that's progress. I don't want to be snuggly cuddly.. it's uncomfortable. I want space, but I'm afraid space will lead to wanting more space. That's how we got here. I don't know how to address the issue with him other than to just let it go and not say anything and make my baby steps emotionally when it feels right. It irritates me that I don't feel the need to be close to him and I want to be close to him because I *should* if we're going to work this out. Feeling *flat* about anything is not my nature, so it's disturbing!
Other than that - I'm gonna have to post some fun stuff every once in awhile so you don't worry I have fun.. honestly. This is serious stuff, but I'm mostly happy every day in general. Spent thurs and fri away from the kids.. gambled a little, shopped some, ate good food.. was FUN and relaxing Wallpapered the DR all weekend.. that was WORK! My knee is bothering me a little from being up and down on it so much. H asked if I needed him to run me a hot bath or massage it. Now isnt that sweet? A MAJOR improvement from the summer. My knee totally gave out.. couldnt walk on it at all, I was here with three kids.. crutches in the attic and he didnt even offer to come help! Told me he'd call me back and check on me the next day Yeah.. I might just have to go sit in his lap awhile and not worry about what I'm feeling or not feeling. He deserves some closeness for his efforts.
Although you're probably just trying to feel my rear..hehe..we'll call it a hug anyway! 
I feel it comin' from him, but it just bounces off and I'm *trying* to go through the motions hoping the feelings will follow.. must be the snails! I view so much of what he does differently now. The pet names he uses .. he could just get rid of them for awhile.. I'm not at the pet name point with him. I'm at a friend point with him at the moment and considering the anger that's had to subside to get there, that's progress. I don't want to be snuggly cuddly.. it's uncomfortable. I want space, but I'm afraid space will lead to wanting more space. That's how we got here. I don't know how to address the issue with him other than to just let it go and not say anything and make my baby steps emotionally when it feels right. It irritates me that I don't feel the need to be close to him and I want to be close to him because I *should* if we're going to work this out. Feeling *flat* about anything is not my nature, so it's disturbing!