Hugs to you too. You need them more that I do. Just a thought, is anything permanent? Did the feelings you had for H say, oh, ten years ago, before bombs and D's and crap, seem permanent then?
I know it sucks to feel what you feel, and I don't discount it, but I wouldn't assume it's permanent either.
Think of this way, if the M ends and you go your separate ways, would your feelings change then? I think they would. They may also change with the alternative route.
Thinking about you and hoping for the best. And have a little fun for yourself, pleaassssee.
