P&DBing,

You are so very wise and insightful. I feel better after reading your post. Look, Hope is smiling.

Remember, my H had told me that he hated me and couldn't even stand to look at me. I would have said at that time that he seemed very sure of what he was saying
Oh dear. That is horrible! I am so sorry you had to hear those things. At least H. isn't being THAT mean.

but he says now that he knew even then that his uncomfortableness was caused by his own guilt and anger at himself
I am hoping this is exactly what is happening with my own H. too. When I look back at the evening spent together, I cannot see anything I could have done to make him feel more at home.

I would have *never* believed that my H felt as guilty as what he now says he did during the four months he was gone
Can I ask you, how did your H. end up getting beyond the guilt, enough so that he was able to come back?

Let things happen, instead of trying to make things happen. See for a while how that treats you
Ok; good advice. I will not mention anything about wanting to be friends. He cannot handle what I "want" right now anyway.

No, he got the sense that you were getting over him, so he came over to make sure you're not. And it worked. Then, because the "excitement" of him thinking that you were going to be a chase for him went away, so he had to pull something out of his a$$ to tell you for why he came over and did that. Any WAS's first line is going to be: "I just wanted to see if 'it' was still there." That's what they *have* to say, because they don't want to tell you that they actually got scared for a minute that you were moving on with your life.
So...what's their crazy wish? That we stay put until they are done twisting in the wind?

A part of me is scared that he will now file. He didn't say that, but logic would tell me that if he is sure he isn't coming home then he will be ready to do this. I guess I have to wait and see what he does next.

Thank you again for spending so much time on this with me. It is very helpful!




Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.