Oh no. I just got caught up on your news and I cringe as the story unfolded. Your H's unrealistic expectation reminded me of an evening I had with my H in Sept. We'd gone on a date, but it just felt so awkward and he later admitted he was testing the water to see what feelings were left, and found that we really don't have much connection any more and that we are too different. So in his opinion, the evening was very good because it clarified things for him. Like you, I felt I had been unwittingly put to some kind of hopeless test. Just as you said you thought you'd been given an opportunity but you blew it - I also could have said this. I too felt devastated. It stung to know I was unfairly scrutinized by him in his confused and alien state. Mine actually put his hand on my hip in a way that felt so intimate and safe, only to later say he had done it expecting to feel some electricity and there was none. These wa's are so confused and looking for some kind of divine moment of truth that's just not realistic. I think my H was waiting for a burning bush to speak to him about what he should do. I'm serious! He wondered if our orchid blooms that refused to dry and fall were a sign that he should come back home. They are looking for some spectacular magical moment when the clouds will clear and they will be suddenly enlightened and know positively what they should do. It's a way of not taking responsibility for themselves and their decisions. However, that evening did not stop my H from resuming his bouts of frequent phone calls and emotional admissions that contradicted the things he said of that night. You're H remains confused and I'm sure the fat lady is not singing yet. So my dear. I have no wise words. Just know I feel your pain. And remember that H is an alien and you can't believe him. He's trying to convince himself. You will pick yourself up and continue to do what clearly has been working. And please don't forget the chocolates. HUGS! Hang in there.
