You highlighted two very important moments; the ones that stood out to me, too. I just don't see someone we are married to, even if the marriage is in shambles, just coming by to take advantage of the situation I think I see last night as more of a personal test on H's part. He came here looking for a feeling that he just didn't have for me. And I guess because it seems like it would be hard work, he doesn't want to try to mend our R. I also think he believes the feeling should just come naturally, that you shouldn't have to "work" for it. That seemes to indicate to me that he is looking for the euphoria again, and he isn't feeling it with me because he knows me. Then again, I've also got him telling me, "I feel like I don't know you anymore." so I really have no idea.
I think he is looking for "home" and just realized that home has changed and much of it is his fault. I can believe this. At one point tonight I asked him if he was uncomfortable due to "all that had happened" (affair, lying) and he said yes. I think it's more than that, because I have told him I could get beyond those things if we could try to work on the marriage. I will keep praying for him, Amy. Thank you for your support. I hope I can get some sleep now and start over tomorrow.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
