Thank you, Deadeye, super, STit and Amy. Your posts are a comfort tonight.
Amy, you are wonderful to try to see a positive in this, but my post isn't conveying the tone of H's voice as he spoke to me tonight. He did not sound confused anymore. He sounded like a man who had gotten his answer. Amy, to reply to what you said, I just don't think he cares enough to do the hard work. And he clearly said to me more than once that that's not what he wants. He doesn't want to come back and see if we can work things out. He says he is not depressed. I question this. He said he thought being with me again would be new and different; is he looking for something to move on to from o.w.? Maybe she is not providing the "rush" anymore and he thought he could feel that with me again. He obviously did not, and now says he does not love me "that way" any longer. I won't call or email him; don't worry, Amy. Not in my plans. I feel just too awful to even think about doing that. But I do not think he will be calling/pursuing me the way he did in the past few days. He got the opportunity he was looking for, and didn't feel what he thought he might feel, so there really isn't any reason for him to contact me like that any longer. I am very hurt; hurt that he would use last evening as some kind of test. Hurt that he left all of his gifts here. Hurt that he could be so affectionate with me and then call me today to say it was wrong.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
