The Other Side of the Mountain

[hopefloats7]

I called him back and things are worse.

He now sounds angry. We talked more about him being uncomfortable; he said that he is being "courteous" by being honest with me. I asked him if he would please come over this weekend and we could have a nice evening together. He said he could try, but he doesn't think it's a good idea.

Of course I am now being very anti-DB'ing and asking him why he feels this way, etc. This is what he said:
"You don't understand. I don't love you in that way anymore. I wanted to see how I would feel, and that's why I had been calling and came over. I wanted to see if I was making the right decision, and now I know I am. I'm not coming back."

Of course now I am trying to hang on to something, and I asked him questions. He said that he was sorry; that it's not me, it's him. His feelings have changed, not mine. I asked him if he thought maybe he is depressed, and maybe that was part of the problem. He said, "No, I don't think that's it. I'm not depressed anymore."

I said that it had only been one evening; didn't he think that maybe it would take some time for us to have feelings for each other again? He said:
"I don't want to come back and try to make things work. I don't want to see if we can feel that way. I just don't want it."

I told him I love him. He said he knew that, but he was sorry; his feelings have changed. He did not say anything about o.w. or that he was in love with someone else. This was all about his lack of feelings for me. And as for coming by this weekend, he said he didn't think he would; it was not a good idea.

He was getting upset talking about this and said he had to go, because he could not have this talk with me while he is working. He said he would call later on.

I feel worse than I did when I found out about the affair. To have your H. tell you loud and clear that he does not love you anymore in that way is so painful there are no words. I am crushed beyond repair tonight. I know he is never coming back now and it isn't because of someone else clouding his feelings...he just doesn't feel love for me anymore. I am so heartbroken and lost.