Lostingrief's last post is a good take on your H's recent behavior, Hope.
he's asking most of the questions (because I feel like if I ask him too much, I am prying)... I wasn't saying much; I didn't know what to say!
Yet, it kept you from getting into the old "pursuit" mode with him, and that was a good thing.
The big picture, Hope, is what to look at: you've detached some, are going out doing things some, are not getting into the kinds of pursuit type questions/statements as you used to, not available when he calls, don't return most of his calls, and being somewhat vague about details (but not vague enough!) when you do speak to him.
That, plus whatever unknown is happening on his end, is resulting in H's coming around and actions. His confusion is a good thing. Permit it to continue by staying on course yourself. It's not soup yet.
He called me back an hour later to say goodnight. I asked him if I had done something wrong
Try not to personalize things. Most of the time, in most of life's situations, we're told that it's not about us. A better question would've been, "I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable. What is it that you feel mad you uncomfortable?"
Was that what he wanted...for me to be all over him and assure him I want him back? I thought that was smothering?!
We don't really know what he "wanted", if anything. He sounds confused, perhaps he doesn't even know what he wanted. If he doesn't know, then we surely can't know.
He used to talk to me about his feelings, but last night, nothing. I had no idea that he was here to see how he felt with me, if he fit in and was comfortable. I wish I had known this.
He used to talk to you about his feelings. Simply because he didn't last night is not that significant. People don't always do what they seem to always do. For all you know, his definition of "comfortable" is for you to go back to pursuit mode, give him his comfort zone back that you've just recently started to pull out from him. That's not what you would want; you don't want to go back there and experience the same old.
Again, I feel like I blew a chance or something. I tried to tell him on the phone last night that it would take more than one dinner and a few hours here to feel comfortable again. How could he expect to feel ok about things after months of not living here and spending time with me? It doesn't work that way.
You're absolutely correct, yet, don't tell him what you think it would take for him to feel comfortable again. You don't know.
You didn't "blow" anything. Turnarounds don't happen necessarily because of any one thing, any one "chance", but as a culmination of things.
The bigger question is why is he all of the sudden looking to see if he feels comfortable here again.
The answer will come out in due time.
In the meantime, what you're doing seems to be working. Focus on that. Do more of it, continue on that track, and try not to dwell on mindreading/assumptions lest it moves you off that track.
