I'm inside my building at work, and I noticed I have a missed call/voicemail on my cell (which I cannot check right now, as I have no signal in here). I looked at the call log and the call is from H. He called me on his way to work today. He never does this anymore; last time he did was when he and o.w. broke up in December.
What do I do? Should I ignore this and let him call again? Should I be courteous and return the call? I can't even check the vm message until I leave work later and get a signal outside.
I think this must have been a lot simpler to deal with before cell phones were a common communication tool.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I'm still catching up on the long threads of some of you that have been here for a while (NYS, frank, et.al.), so I don't know the full sitch and feel funny even saying much of anything, but my first thought would be (putting myself into the same position), would be to call back, but with 0 expectactions. Not to play games or anything, but simply call back with an assumption that it might something "important", or at least something that needs to be discussed (taking care of business, routine, etc.), but nothing more.
Crow Jane, Crow Jane, come 'on, I wanna know,
how you love some man, but don't love me no mo'
Hope, I say do not return the call. H is checking up on you because you went on a mysterious "brunch" with a friend. If nothing else he is seeing that you are getting out more and he's feeling uncomfortable with it. Let him call you again.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I have kept up with your posts from nearly day 1 but have not posted until now. Don't make the call. You are in the driver's seat now and he wants you to make a left turn. Take a right instead. I'll bet the farm that he will follow.
Anyway, that is my 2 cents worth. Take with you what you want, but I can see my opinion is shared amongst the others.
Hey Hope, don't call back. Think what Sassy would tell you ~ don't you dare call him. I know Sassy is probably indisposed right now (lucky thing), but am pretty sure my whip would still get you from here. Back away from that phone
Hope he is probably just checking up on you, wondering why you are so happy and getting out and about. Just a thought, next time you are out and H asks about your whereabouts, rather than saying you were with a girlfriend, say you with a friend. Up that mystery factory!
Did you decide to call or let it go? Just wanted to check in with you and tell you I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of good thoughts. Glad the last day or two has been better for you.
Quote: Hey Hope, don't call back. Think what Sassy would tell you ~ don't you dare call him. I know Sassy is probably indisposed right now (lucky thing), but am pretty sure my whip would still get you from here. Back away from that phone
Thanks luv!! Yes got to experience the constant calling of him. Oh YOU know he is nervous wanting to know what was going on. From what I understand we were just blocks away from where he was at the same time.
Have a lovely brunch with dearest Hope...thank you from the bottom of my heart for the lovely, lovely necklace...haven't had a gift so sweet and so sentimental in oh hell I don't think I can count that far back...
I did take photos but I am in NYC now and the only internet access appears to be in the hotel bar. Okay, me in a bar, glasses of merlot and a laptop...oh my this could be a dangerous evening. I'll post the photos when I get back to Dallas.
And Grasshopper...depending on where you are in FL, we will be in your state in March. Going to scout out St Augustine for homes/retail space...as well as Orlando.
I got out of work, played the vm from H. and he sounded SO upbeat and happy, asked me to please call him back. I didn't. Instead I went to do errands, but 10 min. after I left work, he called again. He was a little put out that I hadn't called him yet and was asking why, and how come I didn't pick up my cell at lunch, etc.? Anyway, he told me about his day and said that he was coming over tonight.
I wasn't expecting this, but ok. I finished my errands and called my cousin on my drive home. During this time, he is repeatedly calling my cell AGAIN over and over (because I am not answering it). He is now in full stalker mode. WTH? I get home, and the house line is ringing; I pick up. He's on his way over and wonders if I want to go out to eat, but I told him no, that I was planning to cook at home tonight, but would he like to stay? He said yes.
He comes in, (no hug) and is in a good mood. He talks to me while I'm cooking, he's asking most of the questions (because I feel like if I ask him too much, I am prying). He's watching me and commenting on how good I look, etc. I thanked him.
He asked me if I put together that list of bills for him, and I said I had. (now I'm thinking, oh ok. Things are still the same, if he wants that.)
We sit down to eat, and more talking. Things are going fine. After dinner I gave him his Christmas gifts and he loved them, and gave me a big hug and kiss after he opened them. After this, he's flipping through a magazine at the table, as am I. I wasn't saying much; I didn't know what to say! He got up and said he thought he would get going. He put his coat on and said, "You really aren't talking to me very much." I said, "I'm sorry. I really do want you to stay and talk with me." He said, "I don't really know why I came over." I said, "Well, would you like to stay?" and he said he really didn't. I asked him if he would please stay anyway, and he took his coat off.
He went down to our room to watch tv and I followed. We were watching a show and I put my hand on his arm. As soon as I did that, he grabbed me in a big hug and buried his head into me. He hasn't done something like that in a long time. Things happened, which I wasn't expecting, but oh well. NO ILY's were said although I certainly wanted to say it.
A little while later he got up and said he had to go to the store and pick up some things, and that he might come back over. He left all his things here, including his gifts. When he left he gave me a BIG hug and kiss, and I said, "Am I saying goodbye for the night?" and he said he thought he'd be back in a bit.
Important part: About 1/2 hour later he called me; he didn't come back over. He said he had things to do where he's staying, and I said that was ok. He opened up and told me that he'd felt uncomfortable here, and he'd thought he could come over and feel comfortable, but he didn't. He said he felt like he didn't know me anymore. I told him that I thought that was normal, that he didn't spend a lot of time with me anymore, so of course he would feel that way, and not to be so hard on himself. I told him I felt he was expecting too much from himself. I also said that I wasn't trying to tell him what to do, but if he wanted to feel more comfortable here, he would have to spend more time here, really. He said, "Maybe you're right." He was so quiet when he talked to me, very unlike his vm message he left me earlier. So, he said he was going to finish laundry and he'd call me back in a bit.
I felt horrible. Like I'd had the chance to maybe have him come back and I failed at it. But I never saw this coming and it isn't like he had a R. talk with me, telling me this is where he is at emotionally, or that things with o.w. are over (I don't even know if they are!). I called him back and asked him if he wanted to come watch a movie with me that we'd been talking about. He said not tonight but that maybe he could plan for that this weekend when he's off. We ended this conversation on a good note.
He called me back an hour later to say goodnight. I asked him if I had done something wrong, and he said, "No no no! Not at all!" and that he would call me tomorrow, etc. I told him that I was glad to see him today, and he said, "I know." I said, "You don't feel the same?" and he said, "It's not that." He said he was very tired, only had gotten a few hours sleep last night, and that was part of it. So we said goodnight.
And now here I am. What just happened here? I feel like I didn't do something right, that he doesn't feel comfortable here with me. I don't know what to do except to not call him, leave him alone and let him make the next contact. He did ask me a lot of questions tonight, and mentioned the brunch from yesterday. I really think he thought I was seeing someone else. Maybe that was why he was calling so intensely. I don't know.
What did he expect to feel here tonight? And why doesn't he feel it? I think he felt let down and that is why he didn't come back over. Is there anything at all positive about this?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
He might not have felt anything but uncomfortable--I mean, he's obviously awkward with the whole situation. And, you can't make him feel one way or the other--I don't want you thinking you did anything to send him one way or the other, about his feelings about you. I can't see that you made any kind of mistake, or gave any kind of a miscue.
It just appears that he doesn't know what to think, and he's trying to sort it out. I'm amazed he did what he did--coming in like that, and doing the things that he did, but his actions telegraph the trouble he's having sorting things out. Maybe it's a good sign. Don't try to read too much into it as he has way more information on his feelings than you do, and you may just give yourself a lot of undue pain and grief trying to figure it all out.
~ don't you dare call him. I know Sassy is probably indisposed right now (lucky thing), but am pretty sure my whip would still get you from here. Back away from that phone 
I said, "Well, would you like to stay?" and he said he really didn't.