Ok...warning...this will be long.

I got out of work, played the vm from H. and he sounded SO upbeat and happy, asked me to please call him back. I didn't. Instead I went to do errands, but 10 min. after I left work, he called again. He was a little put out that I hadn't called him yet and was asking why, and how come I didn't pick up my cell at lunch, etc.? Anyway, he told me about his day and said that he was coming over tonight.

I wasn't expecting this, but ok. I finished my errands and called my cousin on my drive home. During this time, he is repeatedly calling my cell AGAIN over and over (because I am not answering it). He is now in full stalker mode. WTH? I get home, and the house line is ringing; I pick up. He's on his way over and wonders if I want to go out to eat, but I told him no, that I was planning to cook at home tonight, but would he like to stay? He said yes.

He comes in, (no hug) and is in a good mood. He talks to me while I'm cooking, he's asking most of the questions (because I feel like if I ask him too much, I am prying). He's watching me and commenting on how good I look, etc. I thanked him.

He asked me if I put together that list of bills for him, and I said I had. (now I'm thinking, oh ok. Things are still the same, if he wants that.)

We sit down to eat, and more talking. Things are going fine. After dinner I gave him his Christmas gifts and he loved them, and gave me a big hug and kiss after he opened them. After this, he's flipping through a magazine at the table, as am I. I wasn't saying much; I didn't know what to say! He got up and said he thought he would get going. He put his coat on and said, "You really aren't talking to me very much." I said, "I'm sorry. I really do want you to stay and talk with me." He said, "I don't really know why I came over." I said, "Well, would you like to stay?" and he said he really didn't. I asked him if he would please stay anyway, and he took his coat off.

He went down to our room to watch tv and I followed. We were watching a show and I put my hand on his arm. As soon as I did that, he grabbed me in a big hug and buried his head into me. He hasn't done something like that in a long time. Things happened, which I wasn't expecting, but oh well. NO ILY's were said although I certainly wanted to say it.

A little while later he got up and said he had to go to the store and pick up some things, and that he might come back over. He left all his things here, including his gifts. When he left he gave me a BIG hug and kiss, and I said, "Am I saying goodbye for the night?" and he said he thought he'd be back in a bit.

Important part:
About 1/2 hour later he called me; he didn't come back over. He said he had things to do where he's staying, and I said that was ok. He opened up and told me that he'd felt uncomfortable here, and he'd thought he could come over and feel comfortable, but he didn't. He said he felt like he didn't know me anymore.
I told him that I thought that was normal, that he didn't spend a lot of time with me anymore, so of course he would feel that way, and not to be so hard on himself. I told him I felt he was expecting too much from himself. I also said that I wasn't trying to tell him what to do, but if he wanted to feel more comfortable here, he would have to spend more time here, really. He said, "Maybe you're right." He was so quiet when he talked to me, very unlike his vm message he left me earlier. So, he said he was going to finish laundry and he'd call me back in a bit.

I felt horrible. Like I'd had the chance to maybe have him come back and I failed at it. But I never saw this coming and it isn't like he had a R. talk with me, telling me this is where he is at emotionally, or that things with o.w. are over (I don't even know if they are!). I called him back and asked him if he wanted to come watch a movie with me that we'd been talking about. He said not tonight but that maybe he could plan for that this weekend when he's off. We ended this conversation on a good note.

He called me back an hour later to say goodnight. I asked him if I had done something wrong, and he said, "No no no! Not at all!" and that he would call me tomorrow, etc. I told him that I was glad to see him today, and he said, "I know." I said, "You don't feel the same?" and he said, "It's not that." He said he was very tired, only had gotten a few hours sleep last night, and that was part of it. So we said goodnight.

And now here I am. What just happened here? I feel like I didn't do something right, that he doesn't feel comfortable here with me. I don't know what to do except to not call him, leave him alone and let him make the next contact. He did ask me a lot of questions tonight, and mentioned the brunch from yesterday. I really think he thought I was seeing someone else. Maybe that was why he was calling so intensely. I don't know.

What did he expect to feel here tonight? And why doesn't he feel it? I think he felt let down and that is why he didn't come back over. Is there anything at all positive about this?

Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.